In most of our lives we treasure a vanilla friend or relative. You know who they are; maiden aunt; garage mechanic who is deacon of the Pentecostal Church, an old high school teacher you still see in the mall. If we where all to ask our truly white bread vanilla's what vision BDSM brought to their mind, I would wager 90+ percent of them would visualize the same image. All together now: a shapely, scantily clad in leather, holding a whip-flogger-crop, with 5 inch heel CFM boots (**vanilla translation-come fuck me boots**), fishnet hose clad leg stepping on groveling male, Dominatrix.

Is a "Pro Domme" either professional or Dominant? How did we let the "Pro Domme" become the symbol of BDSM? What effect does this universal poster child of a Dominatrix have on our ability to "out" ourselves, trying to make vanilla's understand the joy, safety, and contentment we can feel in a BDSM lifestyle?

First let's look at the job of Purveyor of Painful Pleasures, Physical Stress Reduction Facilitator, Psycho-Sexual Therapist, Performance Artist, or any other sugar coated representation of the Paid "Dominant" Female we are asked to buy. In a simpler time there were simpler words for a female who sold her innate and exhibited abilities for the sexual gratification of men. Now it is important we split hairs as to who touches whom, where, how, and why. Ahh for those simple days.

I did some research, never let it be said my opinions are completely ignorant, into what transpires in a "Pro Domme" paying slave transaction. First, I asked all the "Pro Dommes" I could find where they were accredited. The most prominent place to have studied was "Life", wherever that University is. I then asked them to tell me what happened in a standard transaction.  For the sake of example we'll call the "Pro Domme" Lady Pompadour and the paying slave john. After the subtle- I am not a vice cop, you will not be getting fucked, you will
pay me $200 an hour- courting rituals, the conversation goes something like:

LP:      "So john tell me what interests you? "
john:  "Well Mistress, i am here for your use and service"
LP:     "Of course john. Do you like whips? enemas? What have you done
before? You know it costs extra if I get out the needles?"

The more experienced Dommes with a large clientele might just count on the client already being aware of what she tends to do, having heard it from the paying slave underground, and launch into her act, observing and choosing her methods by her mood and observation of the client. The less experienced Domme might well extend this conversation of limits, interests, past acts, to help her succeed in pleasing the client and building repeat and referral business.

Some physical and/or mental acts now occur. While a Stockholm Syndrome may well come into play, most "Pro Dommes" will work to keep the actual connection to the client at a minimum (there is nothing messier than being stalked by a slave who has money). 

My view is that what actually occurs is not Dominance but Topping. The female in charge provides a for fee service of acting the Top in a Sadist/masochist type temporary interaction. The only power exchange that occurs is a few sheckles passing from the one who has them to one who gets them. The hollowness of this type of transaction does upset me to my inner being. Not that the transaction takes place but that it is equated to what BDSM and more specifically Dominance/submission is all about by that vanilla world we all nonconsensually coexist with.

So how do I answer my original questions?

Is a "Pro Domme" either professional or Dominant?   No, it is a woman who takes pay to act out a particular type of fantasy.  At best they are Paid Tops, a Topinatrix, at worst submissive whores.

How did we let the "Pro Domme" become the symbol of BDSM? Sexy hookers advertise better than most Masters.  I take great pains to debunk the myth that the "Pro Domme" has anything to do with BDSM.  I tend to just call them whores to the vanilla world while stating they have little to do with many of the deeper spiritual, communication, and connection
aspects of BDSM.

What effect does this universal poster child of a Dominatrix have on our ability to "out" ourselves, trying to make vanilla's understand the joy, safety, and contentment we can feel in a BDSM lifestyle?  It is hard to overcome the simplistic myths of our cultures. Until we can separate the BDSM community from opportunistic whores who exploit gullible men using a role developed and adapted from BDSM stereotypes, we will never be able to make our mother's understand the joy's we can feel in a defined and total connection to another.

So, you Topinatrixes out there, remember your actions do reflect on us all. I for one do not like the reflections.