by Dennis Burns
I keep holding on - to yesterday,
“…Why am I searching
and when will I know?
Greetings, this is about “Regrets, I’ve had a few…” no, it’s not Karaoke night in the dungeon. Though, if you have been living in a real world you have run across these self-placed and self-recriminating land mines. The what if, the could have, the damnit, I should haves, and all those other actions or inactions that we have chosen as we travel this path called life.
Now those things by themselves are bad enough but they are an insidious bunch of memories that can and often do cause secondary and tertiary challenges in our life and with those we are currently with. Slowly without warning you may find yourself, acting in a manner that you may not have intended to and when it is examined closer you may be surprised to find it had nothing to do with the person you were dealing with at the time, but someone from the past. It may have been a missed opportunity, or an action that was not received as well as you may have wished it to be. It could have been a path you chose to walk with another and found it to be lacking for one or the other, so, hey it didn’t work then it probably won’t work now. AAAANNNGGG! The buzzer sang! That’s not the correct answer; you run the risk of losing the big prize. You have not given yourself the chance, but more so, you have not given your partner the chance to decide that the choice was not to their liking. This can be a big problem; it blocks communication before it even has a chance to occur. You’ve held a one sided discussion with the other person though physically in the room with you for all intents and purposes their mind and soul are judged in absence.
Some of our greatest joys in life are the memories of times when things went perfect, where it jelled, the gears meshing. Some of the worst times are memories as well, when things went to hell, the scat hit the fan, when we saw our own hand reach from the bowl to pull the lever to complete the flush. The problem is that the good memories are just that, great memories. The bad ones though can reach through time and point an accusing finger, intimidating us down a road that we would rather not travel at times. Now if this is not you, way to go boy or you go girl, …you go… no I mean it you can go, damn it cause some of us other folk have to struggle with this crap sometimes. Ok you can stay if you wish.
wish I could give you a secret Tibetan mind trick, or the Obe Wan
two finger wave, to cause this problem to fade, I wish I could,
but I can’t. I can though tell you what I have to do, I have to
remember, yup, remember. I have to remember that what happened to
me in my past was the result of X + Y and that today, Y is a freakin
memory and that in the here and now it is X + Z so the out come
may be different. (And you never thought algebra was going be helpful
as you got older.)
I then must remember that if I do not give my new partner the opportunity to discuss the path that I wish to travel with them. I would not really have a partner, they would be nothing more than a warm body because I would have ignored their mind totally.
Ok, now we come to another killer, patience, ow that bites. We hedonists, yeah that is a large group of us, we want it as soon as we can, ok realistically… we want it NOW! What we need to do is communicate and then step back and allow the absorption of the material, allow the other to formulate their own damn opinion, oops I mean their own opinion. Now here’s a kicker, it may not be what you wanted, no matter how much you may despise rejection, understand that it is not a rejection of you, just the concept that was presented. It also may be that they are not ready as yet, ask, they’ll tell you if they just need more time.
Now, I ‘m going to speak a naughty word for Dom’s to discuss, (not really, it’s just the perception), negotiation is another fancy word for compromise, in any family unit there is compromise. Be it a vanilla husband and wife or a Master and slave, it is the nature of the exchange of power. Granted it is in varying degrees to the dynamics of the unit. But it is there nonetheless. I.e. the slave can’t always be on their knees serving their Master 24/7 and the Master can’t be watching the slave in everything they do all the time. The slave serves in many ways even away from the Master and the Master must trust the slave to always be doing their best for them even if separated by many miles.
The two songs tell me a few things:
Yeah, regrets, I’ve had a few… but my past should never be who I am, it should be a reflection of where I came from, or even what I have overcome. Remember just because you are a Top, Dom, Master or Mistress, doesn’t mean you are not all too human, those titles do not mean that you have to be so stoic as to be unapproachable. You wish, desire and maybe even demand total honesty from yours as to what is within their hearts and minds, so that you may assist in their focus, they deserve to know you and what drives you as well.
Remember, take what you like and leave what you don’t, for these are just the words and musing of mine. If you have any comments or questions please feel free to email them to me using the form below or directly at Dragon736@aol.com. Thank you.
Sans peur et