Submission, for me, is a paradox of fluidity and immobility. Submission is a state of being for me, symbolized and formalized by actions and interactions. Submission is the art of discipline within one's self. Submission is the compliment to dominance.
Some days my submission is the stuff fairytales are made of. There are times that being in a power exchange relationship feels like the most right and natural order in the world. It is a magical almost mystical world of fantasy and dark desires and erotic fulfillment. During those times, the D/s relationship is an intricate beautiful dance between the Dominant and the submissive.
Some days I just don't " get it". Some days I am pretty sure I haven't a submissive bone in my body and that this whole lifestyle is an illusion. On those days I think I belong in the bland safe vanilla world of unspoken dreams and hidden desires. My submission at those times is an elusive goal I think I will never reach.
So my submission is fluid, changeable as the tides. Some days it rides the crest and some days it ebbs dangerously low. Underneath the tide though lies the sea and the sea is ever present and constant. So it is with the core of my submission. Underneath the transient shifts in my views lies the absolute unshakeable reality of who I am.
Submission is my state
of "being" within a defined context in this lifestyle. It is
a pact and a determination I have made first with myself, and then with
another.For me, all the things I do within this lifestyle are part and
parcel of my submission. Anything I do visibly, any act is simply a symbol
of what lies within me. Whether I am tying my Master's shoes or presenting
my ass for what he wants, that act is symbolic. Some acts are more formal,
some are designed
Submission is the
art of discipline. Most of my acts of submission are results of self discipline.
I have an exacting Master. He is very capable of discipline and guidance
and punishment. To me, my submission is not a naughty game of " being
a bad girl, punish me". My goal, and how my dynamics work, is that
I don't want to be where he has to punish me, that I am aligned to him
and not opposed to him. This means I am disciplined in and of myself.
On the days
For me, the D/s relationship is a solemn pact founded on compatible desires, common respect, and mutual goals. The skeleton of that pact is that of a power exchange. My submission, who I am, compliments who my Master is. The relationship is a dance, a pairing, a completion of who/what the other is. My submission is the "card" I lay on the table. My half of the whole.
Submission is magic and work and discipline and trust and honesty and eroticism. Submission is evolution and self realization and growth and selfishness and selflessness. And sometimes, submission is a single blind leap of faith in the middle of careful negotiations.
In the end, do I view my submission as a gift? Not to anyone but myself. By that I mean, one can have the gift of speech, the gift of sight, etc.. I have the gift of submission. It is my blessing and my curse at times, much like any other proclivity.