Life As I See It
by Randy Burns




‘Accepting Bondage’

Whether it’s mental, sexual, or actually being suspended with ropes, gags and torture, bondage is the core of all fetishes. The difference? The control is acted out and not assumed. No waiting hand and foot on someone, or kissing high heels when they are pressed to your lips, it’s real and millions love it in its basic form. There are bondage artists, great photographers of bondage and the highly skilled participants. Both men and women love to be bound helpless by people they are attracted to - where trust is the easiest way to experience many of the pleasures hidden behind that mysterious taboo called bondage.

Strong, long lasting relationships spring from D/s couplings. I’ve asked the question: Why do certain women want and choose bondage, to be a total captive of their Dom partner? I received many answers from experts. I will share my own opinion later in this article. The King of Bondage, Jim Martin writes -

The answer to your question is simple...

The original role of a man was to take care of a woman. Recently the roles have become fuzzy, so now we don’t know if men are men or women are women in their roles... so, the woman who enjoys bondage is allowing herself to escape back to a very familiar and comfortable place of femininity. A place where she feels safe and does not need control - her trusted man is in control and she can be herself. ~ Jim Martin ~

Darla from added her perspective…

Many women (and men for that matter) don't have any deep seeded or surface ideas of traditional male and female "roles" in society. They simply love the feeling of being in a position of powerlessness. Not that "the man" is stronger than the woman... not that it's "the way it's supposed to be.” None of that. I don't suppose those who have not actually felt the sensations of being restricted (by rope, strap, chain, or even hands) would/could even have any understanding of why someone would chose to engage in Bondage. The reasons are varied, but while I truly enjoy Jim Martin's photographic work, I find that I cannot and do not agree with his assessment on the underlying reasoning of one who submits to being bound. Again, this is individual, and I can only speak for myself... but it's the power exchange (One having and deserving to have) control over every movement of my body.
Hope this gives another perspective... ~ Darla/Dark Whisper ~

So, what have we here? Differences already? There are as many reasons why bondage appeals to certain fetishists - as there are practitioners of the fetish itself. A person’s love for outrageous adventure, the guilt erased by having no control at all, the person controlling them, a certain person that they’ve allowed all of their trust to flow into - unchecked after surrender. All of these points are so important to individuals in able to experience the most that they possibly can from any participation or journey into pleasurable bondage.

If it is not pleasurable, then should they try again? If they are still intrigued with the fetish after a bad, or not such a good experience, perhaps it was not done correctly. Perhaps it was the wrong time, the wrong person, or the skill and procedures were not done effectively. If your urge for bondage continues after a bad or unfulfilling experience, then you must continue to explore that urge within you as you would any ‘normal’ urge you have.

Remember, bondage is a shared experience with at least two people actively involved - the submissive and the Dominant. Both need to share in the enjoyment of the action.

While talking to Mistress Victoria Payne I asked her why she loved performing bondage rituals on a willing submissive? Mistress Payne was not hesitant with her answer.

“I love having total control over another person. I can do anything I want to do. I can sit on them and smoke a cigarette or tickle them with a feather. Once I put the gag in their mouth and tie a blindfold on them - they have no idea where or from what the sensation I’m giving them is coming from, or when it is coming. For me, the feeling of absolute power is everything and it is extremely arousing.”

You will be hearing much more from Mistress Victoria Payne in future articles.

My feeling on bondage is this: If you do not accept bondage and think of it as perverted and disgusting, no one into it really gives a shit about what you think - they’re into it and you’re not. It’s exactly like bowling - just like golf. No matter how popular those two games are - I personally think they’re sick.

I thank Dark Whisper for her insight as well as Mistress Victoria Payne. Both of these women are extremely good people.

Until then…goodnight lovers,
Randy Burns.