better part of the past week, I have been going through a number
of issues in my private life that directly effect every waking
moment of my life.
ramblings, s.b. will never see, yet I needed to put them in
a place that has changed my life, given it some direction, and
put me in touch with some slave girls, who despite the fact
that there are many demands on them and that they have Master's
in their lives, find a way in email to remind me I am not alone
and never will be.
deals with a female slave friend of mine, that is the best way
I can explain the relationship with her. This slave girl was
at one time a member of this group and started writing to me
becuase I was somewhat local to her area. I remember the first
time I met her, I remember the sound of her voice, the car she
drove, the first submissive thing she ever did in my presence
and what it felt like to hold her the first time she cried in
I was her
Mentor in the beginning, yet, with that special talent she has
within her, she "touched" me in a manner I had not
ever allowed any other slave to do. I allowed her to see and
know parts of my personal life I never allowed any other slave
to see before. I was deeply touched by her presence in my life
and yet becuase of the nature of the relationship, was not able
to ethically or morally tell her so.
notes with her, met her in person on several ocassions for lunch
and we developed into best friends. I did caution her that the
nature of the information I was teaching her would eventually
cause me to remove myself from her life and she told me it would
never happen. I shared the secrets I know and taught her exactly
what a slave needs to know in order to give her mind, body and
soul to a Master. I gave her the tools she needed to make her
dreams come true. There was nothing that went on in her life
I did not know about because she wanted me to know, that was
acceptable as a Mentor to know about a slave girl and still
have the professional distance one needs to with a student of
busy as a slave girl should, with job and family and all those
other things real life brings into ones life. September 11th
changed her dramatically as she found this need to spend it
with her kids and husband, which is something I often told her
she needed to do.
by, she learned, she grew and then came the day she approached
the Master of her dreams. He was plesently suprised by her protocol,
her sincere desire to give herself completely to him and I do
mean that exactly as it is written. I knew it happened when
her last letter to me, dated September 30th of last year, told
me. I still have it. That letter was where she came to me, for
a final moment, as my best female friend, and not the slave
girl I had watched graduate into the collared slave girl. I
told her I needed her to be assertive and she gave me that,
in no uncertain terms, in that letter. I carried it in my wallet
until yesterday. Inspirational in words, still to this day,
it touched me deeply. I found myself for a moment the student
in the capable and loving hands of a trusted and dear female
friend of mine.
letter did not say good-bye, the writing on the wall became
noticable shortly thereafter. I taught her the rules of the
lifestyle. I was not destined to be the one to own her heart.
I knew where this would lead and I had to be true to my word
and I did so. The last meeting was tough. I did not know at
the time it was really the last meeting forever. She came to
me for breakfast. The style with which she walked, the mannerisms
were all there, those of a slave girl in high protocol and she
made it known in the span of a few seconds the Master of her
hearts desired owned everthing about her. There was nothing
showing that I could see of the s.b. I once knew. She was still
in the same body and I told myself I could, on ocassion, see
glimpses of the person on the inside. I was completely respectful
of her at all times as she told me she would have liked to feel
my touch or be able to allow herself to feel my friendship but
could no longer do so becuase of the collar she wore around
is exactly what I taught her.
is she had no idea that was the last meeting. I knew it every
mile I drove back to Newark, De. My own life was in serious
need of a change and I was given a chance to have one last attempt
at making something good happen to me. I had to leave her behind,
and many others as well, the people that made up my world had
gotten busy in their own lives. I did the best I knew how and
now it was time to pack my bags and go. A few days short of
Christmas, I made the trek to a place far away from anything
and anyone who knew me, and I landed in Phoenix.
I was never
any good at letting go. I never could tell any sub goodbye because
in my mind those are the words they will send me to my grave
with and write on my tombstone.
regret having to leave from her life. The need she had for me
was gone the moment that collar touched her neck. I waited for
a few months just in case she needed someone to talk to, those
calls never came. I watched email and the postal mail for anything
of a sign and it never happened.
I had to
let her go and I knew damn well one day she would get a letter
to me and tell of her wonderful life. Yesterday that letter
came from her sister slave. In it she spoke of how life is tough
on s.b. how she spoke of me on ocassion and had regrets I never
said goodbye or any parting thoughts. I had but she was not
in the right mindset to understand what needed to be done. She
enlisted the aide of a Mentor who becuase of his word had to
leave her side and let her go. She made a wish and I did my
best to see she got it.
I know often
my time is limited with any slave girl, I know it matters to
them for that moment in time and no one will take me out of
their hearts. They do have a path to take and it is always in
a different direction than I am going. It is comforting for
me to know that for a time, be it mere seconds in the course
of ones life, I have some good effect on another living person
in this world. That is who I am and that is exactly what I do.
I mattered then, and in some small way I would like to think
I still matter to her. However I shall never know, for no one,
not me or any other can, with any sense of ethical reasoning,
break the rules I taught her to follow.
girl touched me deeply. Since that time I have had a difficult
time letting anyone into my life. She is the one who supported
me in my toughest moments. When it looked like the website I
have online now might never have become a reality, it was her
help that made it happen. She was my best female friend.
times find myself wondering if anything I ever wrote here made
any kind of difference to someone who needed to read the words
I'v writen. I don't need to wonder anymore. I don't need to
be concerned or worried or anything. The slave girls I've spent
time with all went on and found what they needed to find because
thats how it works. I can't stop them from coming and I can't
stop them from going, I can only for a few seconds in a lifetime
make a little difference with a joke or something that they
need, that they believe I have and I eagerly share it becuase
they make a request of me to do so.
member of this group has brought many happy memories into my
life. I have seen and met some in mere words and been inspired
by s.b.'s September 30th letter to go on..travel and meet others
and share the things I think that a slave girl needs to know
about herself and her hearts desire even if it means leaving
her once she finds Him.
I was often
told by a wise Master, there will always be a slavegirl watching
me, and she will make herself known to me, WHEN and only when
I need that kind of support. *Someday* a femsub will find Me,
she will touch me and become mine for the period of time. Past
that I have no idea what will happen and it would be good for
me to feel and known the touch of her inner slave girl's desires.
I have my sights set on a femsub I plan to meet at the end of