November/December 2002
Sweet Memories of a slave
by Baron

Letting Go

For the better part of the past week, I have been going through a number of issues in my private life that directly effect every waking moment of my life.

These are ramblings, s.b. will never see, yet I needed to put them in a place that has changed my life, given it some direction, and put me in touch with some slave girls, who despite the fact that there are many demands on them and that they have Master's in their lives, find a way in email to remind me I am not alone and never will be.

This post deals with a female slave friend of mine, that is the best way I can explain the relationship with her. This slave girl was at one time a member of this group and started writing to me becuase I was somewhat local to her area. I remember the first time I met her, I remember the sound of her voice, the car she drove, the first submissive thing she ever did in my presence and what it felt like to hold her the first time she cried in my arms.

I was her Mentor in the beginning, yet, with that special talent she has within her, she "touched" me in a manner I had not ever allowed any other slave to do. I allowed her to see and know parts of my personal life I never allowed any other slave to see before. I was deeply touched by her presence in my life and yet becuase of the nature of the relationship, was not able to ethically or morally tell her so.

I shared notes with her, met her in person on several ocassions for lunch and we developed into best friends. I did caution her that the nature of the information I was teaching her would eventually cause me to remove myself from her life and she told me it would never happen. I shared the secrets I know and taught her exactly what a slave needs to know in order to give her mind, body and soul to a Master. I gave her the tools she needed to make her dreams come true. There was nothing that went on in her life I did not know about because she wanted me to know, that was acceptable as a Mentor to know about a slave girl and still have the professional distance one needs to with a student of the lifestyle.

She got busy as a slave girl should, with job and family and all those other things real life brings into ones life. September 11th changed her dramatically as she found this need to spend it with her kids and husband, which is something I often told her she needed to do.

Time went by, she learned, she grew and then came the day she approached the Master of her dreams. He was plesently suprised by her protocol, her sincere desire to give herself completely to him and I do mean that exactly as it is written. I knew it happened when her last letter to me, dated September 30th of last year, told me. I still have it. That letter was where she came to me, for a final moment, as my best female friend, and not the slave girl I had watched graduate into the collared slave girl. I told her I needed her to be assertive and she gave me that, in no uncertain terms, in that letter. I carried it in my wallet until yesterday. Inspirational in words, still to this day, it touched me deeply. I found myself for a moment the student in the capable and loving hands of a trusted and dear female friend of mine.

While the letter did not say good-bye, the writing on the wall became noticable shortly thereafter. I taught her the rules of the lifestyle. I was not destined to be the one to own her heart. I knew where this would lead and I had to be true to my word and I did so. The last meeting was tough. I did not know at the time it was really the last meeting forever. She came to me for breakfast. The style with which she walked, the mannerisms were all there, those of a slave girl in high protocol and she made it known in the span of a few seconds the Master of her hearts desired owned everthing about her. There was nothing showing that I could see of the s.b. I once knew. She was still in the same body and I told myself I could, on ocassion, see glimpses of the person on the inside. I was completely respectful of her at all times as she told me she would have liked to feel my touch or be able to allow herself to feel my friendship but could no longer do so becuase of the collar she wore around her heart.

That folks is exactly what I taught her.

Problem is she had no idea that was the last meeting. I knew it every mile I drove back to Newark, De. My own life was in serious need of a change and I was given a chance to have one last attempt at making something good happen to me. I had to leave her behind, and many others as well, the people that made up my world had gotten busy in their own lives. I did the best I knew how and now it was time to pack my bags and go. A few days short of Christmas, I made the trek to a place far away from anything and anyone who knew me, and I landed in Phoenix.

I was never any good at letting go. I never could tell any sub goodbye because in my mind those are the words they will send me to my grave with and write on my tombstone.

I deeply regret having to leave from her life. The need she had for me was gone the moment that collar touched her neck. I waited for a few months just in case she needed someone to talk to, those calls never came. I watched email and the postal mail for anything of a sign and it never happened.

I had to let her go and I knew damn well one day she would get a letter to me and tell of her wonderful life. Yesterday that letter came from her sister slave. In it she spoke of how life is tough on s.b. how she spoke of me on ocassion and had regrets I never said goodbye or any parting thoughts. I had but she was not in the right mindset to understand what needed to be done. She enlisted the aide of a Mentor who becuase of his word had to leave her side and let her go. She made a wish and I did my best to see she got it.

I know often my time is limited with any slave girl, I know it matters to them for that moment in time and no one will take me out of their hearts. They do have a path to take and it is always in a different direction than I am going. It is comforting for me to know that for a time, be it mere seconds in the course of ones life, I have some good effect on another living person in this world. That is who I am and that is exactly what I do. I mattered then, and in some small way I would like to think I still matter to her. However I shall never know, for no one, not me or any other can, with any sense of ethical reasoning, break the rules I taught her to follow.

This slave girl touched me deeply. Since that time I have had a difficult time letting anyone into my life. She is the one who supported me in my toughest moments. When it looked like the website I have online now might never have become a reality, it was her help that made it happen. She was my best female friend.

So many times find myself wondering if anything I ever wrote here made any kind of difference to someone who needed to read the words I'v writen. I don't need to wonder anymore. I don't need to be concerned or worried or anything. The slave girls I've spent time with all went on and found what they needed to find because thats how it works. I can't stop them from coming and I can't stop them from going, I can only for a few seconds in a lifetime make a little difference with a joke or something that they need, that they believe I have and I eagerly share it becuase they make a request of me to do so.

Being a member of this group has brought many happy memories into my life. I have seen and met some in mere words and been inspired by s.b.'s September 30th letter to go and meet others and share the things I think that a slave girl needs to know about herself and her hearts desire even if it means leaving her once she finds Him.

I was often told by a wise Master, there will always be a slavegirl watching me, and she will make herself known to me, WHEN and only when I need that kind of support. *Someday* a femsub will find Me, she will touch me and become mine for the period of time. Past that I have no idea what will happen and it would be good for me to feel and known the touch of her inner slave girl's desires. I have my sights set on a femsub I plan to meet at the end of this year.