November/December 2001
Ask the Mistresse

Or "that's My Advice and I'm stickin' to it"

by Lotus Song


The Pen is Mightier Than the Whip

I had an experience over the weekend with an unexpected "breaking" of my slave and I think I can give some advise on the subject now, at least from my perception of it. Yes, this was one time, but this one time taught me volumes. I don't need to be hit by a truck twice to know it could have caused damage. So here it goes.

Slave has been with me going on 5 years now. I give him a very long leash. I allow him to do "guy things". He's human. You, dear reader, will just have to fill in the blanks. Any number of situations could apply. Just grab the essence of what follows and apply at will.

Without going into the fine details, Slave put himself in a very compromising situation that not only was derogatory to him but was an insult to me.

Instead of going off on him unannounced, I spoke with him prior and asked the questions that were most concerning me. I wasn't going to spring an interrogation scene on him unexpectedly. However, I needed answers to help further moderate my intended session. I also needed to know the WHY of his actions to be sure there wasn't a deeper reason that needed to be addressed first. As it turned out, it was just a "guy thing", nothing deep-seated on his part. He just was doing what he wanted to do. I was angry with him. I know not to session in anger. In this way, we were able to diffuse and blunt the edge of things a bit for me emotionally to where I was comfortable in what I needed to do.

I planned a correction session in detail with a sister Domme of mine, Lady Tara. Oh, we were deviously clever. I wrote a story that acted as a type of script for it. The first half opened the mood and set the stage. The middle part of it was the Interrogation itself, complete with background music, Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D minor. (Otherwise known as that "spooky music the ghost always plays on the organ of the haunted house in the movies"). I placed slave in dilemma bondage and left him there as we greeted the other guests. Lady Tara and I took turns watching him. The lights were dimmed. The stage was set.

Lady Tara began to read the story as an explanation to all as to why he was in his predicament and our past history, all which revealed my feelings about our relationship up to his current transgression for which he was being punished. We then went into the interrogation. I placed myself in a chair before him, Lady Tara with a crop in hand to emphasize the finer points. His blindfold was in place. He likes to look at me while I session him. This put him in "isolation".

I included a "disgusted exit of the room" which included words he had never heard me describe him with. I then turned him over to Lady Tara for his "correction". One of his fears is "abandonment". Slave doesn't use safe words often, if at all. In this case, I gave him one that he had better use. Lady Tara is known for her sadistic talent and if he had the wisdom of a flea he would have uttered it on her first backstroke.

When he finally said it, he was ordered by Lady Tara to seek me out and apologize. He did. But I didn't stop there and I probably should have. Instead, I continued on with the program in which we reveal the consequences of the Seven Deadly Sins.

I pulled out the stops. I knew where to hit and I did it with precision. I had him read the rest of the story out loud to the group. It was a tale that involved a character that I knew he felt threatened by that was now being invited into a stable in which Slave was no longer going to be top dog.

At this point, Slave's voice broke and he shook in holding back his tears. I stopped the reading immediately and went over and hugged and held him.

I looked into his eyes and they looked as dark as they could be. There was no life there, no brightness. In short, he looked like he was in hell. This was not the intended outcome. I knew then I had pushed him over the edge and I had to go retrieve him.

The pain of the taws was bearable. He endured it to the max because he was punishing himself. He told me later he would have endured it to the point of passing out other than to utter the humiliating word he was given to say. Sensing what he was doing, Lady Tara had to tell him to use his safe word. She had to force it out of him by requesting several times. My belief of having the Domme be the slave's own common sense in sessions, once again, proved valuable.

The pain of having him envision what "it would have been like" with me with another slave was the breaking point.

In summary, this is why I say the "Pen is Mightier than the Whip". This is not something I'll venture into again. If I have need to, I'll be much more prepared because of this. This is how I learn.

I know my slave. I used that knowledge against him in this. I pressed every button and sensitivity in him. It was exhausting.

In essence, "I won". But there was no sweet taste to it. We ended up putting each other "back together". We learned something about each other. We are stronger for it. It could have been disastrous. There are "mind f***s".. and there are "soul f***s".

Make sure your "battle" is worth the "cost".

As always,
Lotus (with help from Lady Tara.. LOTS OF help!)