I’m sure you’ve all seen it - that age old debate over what is ‘real’ submission or dominance and what is not. We all feel more comfortable being able to compartmentalize things that we don’t necessarily understand, but at what point do we need to start thinking outside the neat little box?

Labels are important. The label gives important information at a glance. A label is not designed to be a user’s manual, however; it is meant only to be a broad indication of what is held within. It is not inclusive.

Where the problem comes in is when a person stops remembering that the labels are there to be helpful rather than descriptive. There are all types of people in the broad spectrum of each orientation. Some take nearly everything very seriously (yours truly) and others find fulfillment in the more laid back aspects of only play. Neither is inherently better than the other, but are simply shades of gray between pure white and deepest black.

I use the label “submissive” when I speak of myself, but that only gives a broad understanding of who I am. Some would (and will) argue that I am far from submissive most of the time, and that is true. I choose to voluntarily give over my personal power to another when there is a foundation of trust and respect - for Him, and from Him. This isn’t a one way street despite what you may have heard in the masses of online chat rooms and such.

However, once power exchanges on a deep and real level, that’s when those involved smooth out the kinks and make their own relationship rules outside of the broad strokes of labels and generic understanding.

So please be aware that labels and generic terms do not mean that they tell all about a person, only that they are designed only to give a broad meaning that people can understand at first glance. That is the time to dig a lot deeper into the nuances and understandings of a particular person if one chooses to develop more of a personal interaction.