whore, you’re not fit to wear that collar.”
example of degradation. A grouping of words taken in context
that are designed to tear one down emotionally, and make one
feel like they are powerless/stupid/ugly and cannot necessarily
think or react on their own. An abusive situation that has no
place in BDSM or any relationship. This is completely different
than humiliation play.
often plays a major part in a D/s situation. Now, before you
tell me how wrong I am, please consider the following: “Who’s
whore are you, My precious slut?” How many times have you seen
or heard these types of words, and felt their power? Does it
make a submissive angry? Hurt? Or does it pretty much melt the
submissive, or possibly even makes them wild with the need to
do just about anything to please the dominant? Can it be a positive
statement that engenders excitement and a feeling of power?
I know that for me, it surely does.
So why is
the first thing said when discussion comes up about humiliation:
“Oh, I don’t like humiliation,”? Because there is a huge misunderstanding
about what humiliation really is. I found myself explaining
the difference the other night when several submissives I know
shook their heads and flat out said they hated humiliation and
it was a hard limit for them.
degradation is used to tear one down... make them feel or look
stupid/clumsy/worthless. It’s never a positive thing..
on the other hand... can allow one to look waaaay down deep
Things like saying: “what a beautiful cunt you are” or “that’s
My little bitch” - doing things that are embarrassing, but making
you feel like you’d crawl through broken glass if they asked...
not engendering powerlessness.
acquaintance was there, and spoke of the differences in the
types of play that includes degradation and humiliation. She
often uses degrading words in topping - a stronger form of humiliation
“play”. Some people really draw to hearing those terms, because
they know the dominant does not really believe that about the
submissive. It’s about context, and using it as a tool to strip
away the masks and the protective shell to reach the person
within. This can be VERY dangerous if it is used indiscriminately,
or by one who doesn’t understand what the submissive could be
feeling as those masks are stripped away.
stress the difference strongly enough here. If there is any
question in the submissive’s mind that the dominant might really
see the submissive as worthless or stupid - it can cause real
emotional damage, and should be stopped immediately if it is
determined that the submissive is truly feeling the words/activities
in a negative manner.
play (versus humiliation play) is considered a form of edge
play, and if it is undertaken, PLEASE make sure that: a) both
parties are aware that it is play, and b) that there is a huge
amount of trust going on between the top/bottom.
play, on the other hand can be such a turn on for both parties,
and is used, to some degree, by quite a good percentage of Dominants
and submissives. I, personally, enjoy being called nasty names
- but ONLY by One I trust enough to know that he really doesn’t
believe that about me, but knows that it excites us both. Anyone
else dares to call me nasty names is very likely to find themselves
either alone, or limping quite badly for the next few days.
~a slow grin spreading over full lips~
I guess the point comes to trust. Do you trust your dominant
to the point where you can safely go to these places, because
you know, deep inside, that the words are brought about not
to hurt, but to excite and perhaps to go a bit deeper into the
person inside? If no… then this might not be the type of play
for you. ~a soft smile~
Safe travels, dear visitor.