Several months my husband and I held one of our regular demonstration meeting in which we worked on more intermediate/advanced flogging techniques. In the demo, I used a particularly well adept submissive that I was used to. Knowing what she could take, I did my warm up and got her ready for the heavier floggers.
Her skin had that beautiful red glow and leathered up nicely. So out came the heavier arsenal. We were both well into this scene even as a demo. We came past the point of teaching and onto an actual fairly heavy demonstration. It was well received and frankly one of my better flogging sessions. Who would have known it would come at a demo meeting.
After the meeting was over, we sat around and talked, as we so often do, sharing experiences and otherís techniques. One of the other female submissives, fairly novice, came to me and asked if I would flog her. I found out through negotiating that she had never felt a flogger before and I talked with her Dominant about his wishes. Everything was fine and as we were preparing to start, this submissive stated a challenge that Ďno one could leave a mark on herí.
Most who know me, know Iím not usually very quiet about my thoughts and I promptly told her that I most certainly could and that statements of that nature could wind her up in trouble with an irresponsible Dominant. I did agree to work with her and did so for about an hour with a slow warm up and tried various floggers from sting to thud in the process.
The scene went well. I did leave a mark or two on her hind end and she enjoyed the experience as she relayed to me, so I thought. I found out several weeks later that although she enjoyed the scene, she was upset that I didnít go far enough with her and that she was very envious of the bottom I used in the initial demo. Enough so that she felt it necessary to bring it up to this bottom that was obviously a dear friend of mine and whine to her about how her needs werenít met.
Now Iím sure you can all tell all of the things I could bring up with just this small scenario and where Iím going with this. There is sooo much I could go into about ethics and whininess and the birth of gossip and rumors, or why Dominantís donít care to play with novice subs, but at this time I will only go so far as to talk about this: COMPETITION
We seem inundated with newer people of this lifestyle we call BDSM. Some have a tendency to think they have to do everything and experience everything within their first month of getting involved. Others think that they have to one up everything around them and still others think that if they donít have a harem they arenít worth anything as a Dominant.
I want to shake them all and tell them to wake up and smell the coffee. But in my better judgment, which I do possess on occasion J, I calmly smile at them and know that we all had to start somewhere. This competition mode, whether it is Dominants or submissives, can be very detrimental if not nipped in the bud in short order. Believe me, I take every opportunity to make subtle suggestions, hopefully without offense, to the persons I feel need a little more wisdom in their lives.
None of us are without the need for more wisdom. I personally find no need to try things Iím not familiar with. Besides, I can have more fun bringing in another Dominant in to show me new things and to work with one of my subs. How Fun! When it comes to things of an ethical nature, this can get much more sticky. People tend to take such great offense even where none was intended.
So where am I going with all these rambling thoughts? I donít know. I suppose I just would like to see more groups of people being able to coexist in this lifestyle without the need to one up others. A true feely of comradery in our BDSM groups hopefully isnít a rare thing indeed.
Dominants, donít be afraid to say ĎI donít knowí and subs, donít be afraid to say, Ďhey, Iíve never tried that beforeí and in both cases, ĎThanks Youí goes a long ways toward future considerations with the more experienced lifestylers.
Be well and play safe!
* Italian for Listen!