begin with, let me explain what a safe word is. It is a word or
gesture used while scening to either slow the scene down, or to
stop it all together. The most common safe words are red meaning,
“STOP” or yellow that means, “i like what you’re doing, but it’s
getting to be a little to much, to fast”. Normally a safe word
is only used if endurance, tolerance, or hard limits are being
pushed. i have heard many arguments on safewords and why they
should or shouldn't be allowed. i have also heard many arguments
that state a “true” slave should not even be allowed a safeword.
The following is my opinion only on this topic, and it is that
of a slave. I am also fully aware that there will be many who
disagree agree with me. All i ask is that you read what I have
to say with an open mind and heart before commenting. Constructive
criticism is always welcome that is how we ALL learn.
a safeword does NOT mean you do not trust the Top you are currently
scening with. A safeword is a way for you to ensure that your
physical, emotional, and mental well being remain safe. No matter
how well your Top knows you, YOU still know your body better than
anyone else. Thus, there are many reasons you may feel the need
to use a safeword when normally you never would have dreamed of
of the most common reasons your body may change in its reaction
to external stimuli is medication. Different medicines can raise
or lower your tolerance to pain as well as change how easy you
bruise or mark. When taking a new medicine be aware of the side
affects and make sure your Top is fully informed as well. Caution
should be exercised until you both know if anything has changed.
I was once in a scene with my Master and on new meds. Nothing
in the precautions gave any concern with respect to my ability
to scene. However, just as I entered into subspace, the endorphins
my body released mixed with my new medication and I was suddenly
very ill. Illness, as well as stress, can also change your tolerance
levels. Thus, from first-hand experience, I firmly believe that
all good Tops INSIST that the bottom have a safeword and or gesture.
safe gesture is one to be used if you are gagged and cannot speak.
Signaling could be as simple as something held in the hand that
is to be dropped or thrown in case the scene needs to be stopped.
Not being able to speak should not be a reason for you to get
have a safeword, but will you use it? For a long time I felt that
if I did use my safeword, I was failing my Master. I envisioned
using that phrase as a symbol of defeat, a limit that I must,
and should be pushed to test. He finally made me realize that
by not doing so, when I felt I truly needed to, was failing both
Him AND myself. If He could not trust me to let him know if something
was too much, then we would not scene anymore. Using your safeword
does not mean that you or the Top has failed. Indeed, it is a
sign that you both have communicated in a deep, intimate manner.
Communication afterwards about what went wrong will help both
to learn and can make what you thought was a bad scene, a very
good and informative one. How else are people to truly to know
one another without some form of communication? If you are owned
as i am, then you have a responsibility to your Master to make
sure His property is kept in perfect shape. You should be His
most prized possession, and should be guarded carefully against
harm. Using your safeword very carefully is very important to
keep from damage, and to prolong the possibility of future, safe
should never use a safe word lightly. Just because you do not
like a scene or a punishment is not a good reason unless these
activities push a hard, pre-stated limit. Think before you use
is my view that subs, bottoms, and slaves should all have a safeword.
No matter how well a Top knows you, you know yourself better than
anyone else does. Over time, you will more than likely find the
need for using your word to be less and less, as experience between
you and your Top grows. As your Top gets to know and understand
your body gestures, He will be able to tell where you are within
your range of colors. i rarely have to use my words anymore as
Master knows how to read my body signals, and stops or slows the
scene down accordingly. Tops, please think twice before not allowing
a bottom a safeword. Bottoms, it is in your best interest to NEVER
go into a scene without one. As I have previously stated, many
things can change your tolerance, and or your endurance. We all
want our scenes to end on a good, positive note, even if that
means safewording. But most importantly of all, talk things out
afterward. Both participants should learn something from the scene,
and if so, it has TRULY ended on a good note.
again I wish to thank my wonderful friend peter for his help in
editing this article and making it readable to everyone else.