looking for your first real time group or experience. How can
you be sure that the person that you are talking to is actually
who they say they are, are what they say they are and even close
to being the perfect Dom or sub that they present themselves
to be? First be prepared to do your homework, and to ask questions
forthrightly. And its just as important to know what answers
to discard. The following is MY OPINION OF WHAT SHOULD BE ASKED
AND INQUIRED ABOUT.....IN NO WAY DO I MAKE ANY CLAIM THAT THIS
IS THE BE ALL END ALL "LIST" OF WHAT YOU SHOULD ASK.
FOR A GROUP
your all ready to step out and find a group of like minded people
in your locality...
your online contacts who live in your area what they know
of the group (if you have r/t contacts even better) have they
attended, what was their impression, did they feel safe, did
they feel that their privacy was respected? Ask more than
one person if possible. Ask everyone that you can find, one
person's opinion is an opinion 30 people with the same opinion
may be on to something. Next check the group itself out as
much as possible. Do they have a web site? How can you contact
them for information about the group without showing up cold
turkey? How many responses do you get from your inquiry? Is
it a mixture of Doms and subs responding or is it all Doms
(or subs for that matter)? How do they answer the following?
do they meet (is it in a public restaurant with a private
dining room or hotel conference room, or someone's home?)
Make sure its in public. Predators and weenie wackers do not
like public venues.
you have to provide your real name, address or telephone number?
If you have to provide any or all of the above mentioned info
before you even meet them, run like the road runner on steroids,
particularly if you value your privacy.
is the information for location and times distributed? Is
it on a web site or yahoo groups listing, where any predator,
news reporter or law enforcement official can get to it easily?
Is it protected and some way such as being sent to only those
who have requested to be added to their list and have rsvp`ed
"yes I will be attending" type announcement?
you have to use your real name or even introduce yourself
at the meeting?
they have any type of "buddy system" where you can
meet with someone in the WIDE OPEN public sub to sub or Dom
to Dom depending on how you identify? Mall food courts are
good for this.
do they list their primary focus to be? Education, Socialization?
To Get Themselves Laid? What references do they have to back
that up.... can they provide any phone numbers to other groups
or clubs who would vouch for them? Email addys are fine, but
one person can have 12345678900987654321 email accounts.
much does it cost to attend?
should you dress? Do they encourage or discourage fetish wear?
is proper protocol for the group....if your told that all
subs will kneel and serve all Doms or some such thing as that,
politely decline or at your option invite draw them a map
of perhaps where they should go.
is a typical response that I give to someone who requests info
from our group in Greenville South Carolina, L.O.C.K.
LOCK is a pansexual BDSM munch group located in Greenville South
Carolina. We are an education based munch group whose main purpose
is to provide good worthwhile information and provide a forum
for people of like interests to meet and socialize. We have four
meetings a month, one for each week of the month and they are
as follows: 1) LOCK Social, first wed of every month 2) Doms Only
Meeting second sat of every month 3) subs Only Meeting second
saturday of every month 4) Discussion Only Munch third Saturday
of every month 5) Main Munch With Demo fourth Saturday of every
month The first three meeting are open to everyone on our list
who rsvp's that they will be attending. Before we allow someone
to attend the Demo Munch we require that they attend two of the
first three meetings at some point so that they can meet us and
we can meet them face to face. We at LOCK take the privacy of
all those that attend as well as our guest presenters very seriously.
LOCK is not here to provide any one with sexual partners, play
partners or any other type of partner. LOCK does NOT cater to
swingers. LOCK does not provide a forum for those seeking "aol
masturbatory" material. LOCK demos depending on the topic
may include partial or complete nudity by one of the presenters,
i.e. caning, flogging, needle play. We do not allow fetish wear
including cuffs or obvious collars. We do not allow toys of any
type to be brought in other than that needed by the presenters.
As far as the public around us is concerned we are just another
online computer group and we have no desire to frighten the villagers
who did not come out to participate in what we do. Should you
need any other information or have any other questions please
do not hesitate to let us know.
writing one of those 10 times a week lol. I always answer each
one personally, no form letters. When you are satisfied with the
answers you receive and comfortable, go check that group out.
If its in public you can always haul ass if need be.
So Your Gonna Meet Someone 1st Time This next list I think is
BASIC info that you need BEFORE you meet someone.
not just email addy's, phone numbers, etc. DO NOT let this
slide just cause you have "known" this person online
for 6 months and talked on the phone so much that AT&T
is sending shares of stock each time you pay your phone bill.
Ax murderers can be quite charming. Get more than one reference.
And the longer the person has claimed to be in the scene,
the more they should have. Anyone who states that they have
been "in the scene" for 10, 20, 30 years but has
no references because they have been completely private scare
me. Have they been in prison the last 30 years? You have been
playing for 30 years, have had 6 different subs and you can't
put me in touch with any of them? Are they all dead? CYA!
the math. Anyone claiming to have 15 years experience and
is age 23??? Need I say more??
they willing to provide: picture, picture of drivers license,
home telephone number, home address? Doms, the sub should
be willing to provide you with the SAME.
they willing to meet in a *VERY* public place?
YOU have a safety net set up?
they insisting on play or service at the first meeting? Run.
they pushing for an overnight visit? Run. In the same hotel
or your home? Hang Up.
you are a sub is the Dom willing to come to your town? Why
not? Is he/she willing to pay his own expenses? If not double
check your check book and run.
are basics. Add what you personally need to be comfortable. Does
all this seem like a lot to go through to find a group or ,meet
someone? You're alive to read my article today and hate it. I
would like to think that you will be around in the future to read
and hate more :) Dead people have trouble getting good internet
connections, finding play partners and God knows I ain't into
necrophilia. Be well and stay safe.
that I have your attention feel free to email
me. I may or may not respond to the emails, but I promise to read
all of them.