September/October 2002
The Foundation of a D/s Relationship
by FineArt


In statistics, science and logic, there is an axiom that that some things are necessary but alone are not sufficient to demonstrate something else or to allow something else to exist. This is most certainly true about communication in a healthy, growing D/s relationship.

A rich, growing D/s relationship is built on many things... common interests and attraction, mutual goals, commitment. A healthy relationship incorporates the three legs of our community... safe sane and consensual. However, no successful relationship, especially a D/s relationship can be established, continue to grow, or even be sustained without open, honest and deep communication between those involved! Communication is not the substance of the relationship... but the catalyst that allows the relationship to grow... and the glue that holds it together.

In the popular television sitcom, "Everybody Loves Raymond", much of the recurring theme and humor centers on the inability of Raymond and Debra to communicate about things of substance in their marriage. Like most comedy of this sort, we find it funny because most of us can relate to what is happening to them. In a recent episode they spent "romantic dinner" together talking about the qualities of the bread and butter they were served. Later in the show, they were able to see how, by looking at his parents, a couple could drift along for decades without capturing the potential of the marriage or relationship... just surviving together without thriving. What a tragedy! Yet it happens all the time.

For me, the quality of a rich D/s relationship centers on the ability of the couple to progress on a path of MUTUAL growth and pleasure! To achieve the full potential of the relationship, to share in the richness that can be achieved, both must be able to share to the very depths of their being. Interests, goals, pleasures, sorrows, fears, fantasies, aspirations, and disappointments...

If we step back and look, the concept is not at all difficult to comprehend. How can one "Dominate", the other "submit" without this most fundamental component in the relationship?
No matter how good or complete the communication is, communication alone will not be sufficient to establish, sustain or grow the quality of the relationship. There must be substance to what is shared.

But when communication fails, the foundation of the relationship is taken away.... and the relationship itself will soon follow.

© 2001 FineArt - All rights reserved