Or "that's My
Advise and I'm stickin' to it"
by Lotus Song
Finding a Domme or... Male
Submission and the Clue Tree
The biggest question I get is "How do you find
First you must find yourself. What is your motivation? What drives you?
What do you want out of it all? These are just a few of the questions
a serious Domme will ask you. These and "what do you have to offer"?
The stock answer I get back is that "I have always been submissive
and I am very oral." . These subs are not interested in serving,
only being done to. And fellas.. those type are a dime a dozen.
I will ask them where they got there exposure to domination.
Most of the time it's just the fantasy stories online or in the book stores.
Well, I guess you have to start somewhere. VERY seldom do I run across
a male who has read books like SM101 or The Loving Dominant . AH but those
Female domination is thrilling, exciting and just what you want you will
say. But you are only seeing the surface. There is a depth the relationship
for it to be meaningful. Gasp! DEPTH???
Before you get too scared, perhaps I should mention the different types
of Dommes, yet another thing to consider in your self-discovery.
A first encounter is usually with a professional dominatrix. You make
an appointment, go in, give her your little list of what YOU want, she
will negotiate what can or cannot be done, you pay your money and have
done to you what YOU want. This is merely adult entertainment. You have
bought a service. And for some men, that's all they want. They are called
"do-me"s. For this, I am very glad there are pro dommes
out there and I hope they make boo-coo buckos.
Secondly, you will find women who see the whole domination lifestyle as
a means to an end. They are simply looking for a subbie hubby. They have
heard that most male submissives are successful and well off. The domination
is the bait. They have learned a few techniques and "specialize".
Once you are married, the whole D/s seems to fall by the wayside. It's
served its purpose. Now in all fairness, they don't INTEND for it to be
like this, but domination is WORK and after a time it looses it's appeal
for them. Scary huh?
Thirdly, you have the bored housewife. Here you find your online domination.
This is safe and anonymous and where most people start these days.
And fourth, if you are very lucky and take your time, you will find a
woman who is dominant in her heart without loosing her feminine qualities
(nurturance, compassion, understanding). These women truly love men and
have cared enough to see to their core. These are the women you can confide
anything in for they understand you. They realize they are part of a WHOLE,
not a universe in themselves. They are what they say they are. You will
WANT to tow the line for them because they are worth it. Not because of
what they can do for you. These women express themselves in dominant play.
It's not contrived, it's how they think. Unfortunately, these are the
ones hardest to find. They are very selective. They will not try to change
you. They will bring out the best in you that is there.
Now boys, here is something from the Clue Tree. Develop some kind of skill.
Preferably something personal that would be of service to the Domme, in
a selfless manner. These are things like pedicures, massage (non-sexual),
music (singing or playing an instrument), hair styling, to name a few.
We are not sex-crazed "jaguar women". A lasting relationship
relies on give and take in a wide scope of arenas. If she can't interact
with you in public to both your satisfactions, what good is there? If
all she is to you is twat pie, what good will you be to her outside the
Clue 2: Pay attention to your appearance.. PLEEEEASE! One of the biggest
turn offs for a Domme is body order and bad teeth. Clean up. Greasy hair
and rumpled clothes don't cut it. Expect this from your Domme as well.
Remember I said it was both ways? You want to be as proud of her and she
is of you.
Clue 3: Yes, sexual talent is appreciated. However, realize that the Domme
will train you to what she wants. What was "oral technique"
to one might feel you are eating a piece of corn on the cob to another.
Show her what you know then listen to her direction. If she gives you
something to read first.. READ IT. Set the male ego aside. You might learn
For the really new folk who are exploring. I suggest you go to the local
dungeons (if you are lucky enough to have them in your neighborhood) or
go to a pro dominatrix.
The local dungeons will give you a plethora of lifestyles from which you
can observe or be involved. This is a place to see and be seen. A pro
dominatrix can run you though the gamut of all those play techniques you've
read about and there is no commitment past your purchased time. Do check
to see if pro-domming is considered prostitution in your area.
When you finally see what it is you DO want and you have been out in the
"kommunity", you will have sort of made a name for yourself.
You'll have a couple of references under your belt (hopefully) and have
something of substance to offer.
Good luck to you