July/August 2003
Trubled Times
Picture Herefor those times when you're having troubles
by Celeste aka BitaTruble

Dear Bita,

I have been talking online with my Master for a few months now and almost since the beginning He collared me and we've been engaging in online domination and submission. Every time I see His screenname pop up on my buddy list, my heart skips a beat. In just a few months, I feel like I know Him as best as I can online and I would like our relationship to progress to at least some phone calls. Master says He needs to get to know me better before giving out His phone number. Is it weird that He knows me well enough to have cyber with me almost every night and offered me His collar, but doesn't know me well enough to give me His phone number or His last name? I made it clear from our first chat that I was interested in getting to know someone real time. He asked me from the beginning if I had a problem doing cyber and I said I didn't. Now I'm wondering if that's all He ever wanted. He says He wants 24/7 eventually, and that He just needs more time to build up trust for me. He also told me His last submissive was something of a stalker so He's just protecting Himself. Am I just being impatient? How long is a reasonable time period before at least talking on the phone?

Sad to be a Cyber sub

Dear Sad,

Have you thought about giving him your phone number? If he's worried about you having caller ID, then ask him to call you from a phone booth so you can at least verify it's an adult male with whom you are speaking. Your Master has every right to protect his identity just as you have every right to expect your relationship to be progressive. If you are beginning to feel uncomfortable with the way things are going, then you two need to tawk, tawk, tawk to each other. There is no big book of BDSM etiquette out there to give you a schedule of how a leather relationship should progress. The best judge you have is what's in your heart and head. He's not ready, you are .. so you need to find a happy medium somewhere that won't make either one of you uncomfortable. Ask him to set the pace for furthering your relationship. Where does he feel the next step will lead and what will it take for you to get there. It's not going to hurt you to ask him if phone calls can be expected within the next few weeks or month. If he puts you off or doesn't keep his word about when those phone calls will start, then you'll have to be the one to reevaluate your situation. Find out how long he expects you to wait, then look to you heart to see if that's reasonable for you. You're the only one who can answer that question. Some submissives claim they will wait a lifetime for their Masters, others want immediate actions. Neither one is wrong, just decide where you fall in the spectrum, then let your Master know, clearly, where you stand, how long you're willing to wait and perhaps, ask him what would he do if the situation were reversed. How long would he be willing to wait for 'you?' If he says he'd wait as long as it took, then perhaps you could tell him that when he's ready, you'll engage in more cyber with him, but until then, you're available for chat and not cyber play. Real people sit behind the virtual walls and you should not only expect, but demand to be treated just like the real person you are. I wish you the best of luck.



Dear Bita,

I've been living with my submissive for 8 months. Recently she told me that she's interested in 'playing' with a rather well-known Top who attends our local munches and who has an expertise in a certain area which I lack. Maybe it's jealousy on my part or maybe I just don't like sharing my property but when she first asked, I thought it would be fine and now that the time is drawing closer, I'm having second thoughts about the whole thing. I've told her that the whole idea of her bottoming to someone else didn't bother me because I know how good our relationship is and that I'm pretty secure. Now it looks like I'm going to have to eat some crow and admit to my jealously. Got any advice for me?


Dear KT,

Having eaten my fair share of crow, I recommend a light butter-garlic sauce. It makes it a little easier to swallow. ::chuckles:: Seriously, you need to put a stop to the scene until you can come to terms with her bottoming to someone else. The last thing a new relationship needs is additional pressure and strife. Have you considered asking for some advice from the Top? I'm sure wherever his expertise lies, he learned it and if he learned it so can you. It's been my experience that most 'well-known' Tops are happy to share their knowledge. That may be the way to go for you. If he's not willing to help you out .. is that someone that you're going to want your submissive bottoming to anyway? Good luck.


::this reply was sent out well before it appears in the next addition so as to be of some use::