July/August 2003
From a Dom's Perspective

by Dennis Burns


“Put on your blindfold
and a dress that’s tight,
and come with me
on a mystery night
open your eyes.”
- Depeche Mode “Shine”

…”feel the fever coming,
You’re shaking and twitching
You can scratch all over
But that won’t stop you itching.”
-Depeche Mode “Dream on”

“To the soul’s desires,
the body listens
What the flesh requires
Keeps the heart imprisoned.
What the spirit seeks
the mind will follow
when the body speaks
All else is hollow!”
-Depeche Mode “When the body speaks”

Greetings and Salutations, I start off this missive with the words from Depeche Mode’s Exciter CD. It reminds me to remind myself of who I am, and how important that is for than just me. Others need me to be, well … me!

Let me try to clarify that statement, the things that I do are important to more than just me, my wife/slave and our slave, have a very big need for me and what I do. I’m not speaking of technique; hell my wife/slave can give her self a mean flogging. She does this dance that is…well I digress. Sometimes life eases into the cracks and slides along the dark corners of the dungeon and wedges it’s self like a weed that slowly breaks through the sidewalk, tearing the concrete apart. These ‘weeds’ of mundane reality come with fancy names like ‘school’, ‘work’, ‘finances’, ‘parents’ and the real kicker, “Kids!”

One day you could be walking around as the saying goes ‘fat, dumb and happy’ when it hits you (instead of them), damn when was the last time we went to the dungeon, or you stumble across a hidden toy and as you hold it lovingly in your hand, your little ones look at you with a sad hunger coupled with a shy nodding of the head with remembrance.
24/7, full time, totally dedicated to the life, these whispers echo with your brain pan as slow dawn breaks in the dark ass end of your thoughts. 24/7 twenty-four hours/seven days a week… ah… Nope more like 24 minutes every seven days. The terms mean more than most of us really can have when we have those other things that intrude, especially… shudder… KIDS!

Does this make you a bad Dom? Does this mean you’re not really…? Gasp… a real Dom or member of the BDSM community? Does this mean that you’re nothing more than a slap and tickle poser? NOPE! It means that you’re human, and an adult who faces the real world around you, and the your not like the very few who have none of those other worries invading your world. …psst! It also means that you’re not the independently wealthy Dom with your own castle dungeon and a willing slave in every room. Sorry no hot and cold running masochists groveling as you stroll through your mansion.
Damn it, but you may have one or two willing slaves, submissives who co-inhabit your apartment, trailer, tract home, custom home or hollowed out bus, what ever you have you still call it your castle, and it is! Remember that your dreams usually are just the inverse of theirs. While you may wish to be the Master of your abode, they wish you were as well. Just because the world seeps in to your world, doesn’t mean that your little ones wish that to happen anymore than you do. Getting mad may be a quick relief but who do you rail at School, Work, Finances, Parents, or at the Kids?

It is not any of those factors who are to blame, and blaming yourself is selfishly unsatisfying you don’t need to attend that pity party, your name is not on the invitation. No what you need to do is as Bruce Willis says: “Cowboy Up!” chalk it up not as a learning experience (because it will happen again, and no body likes to think that they don’t learn.) Nope what you need to do is turn on the light and shine it into those dark corners, break out the dust buster and clean house. You still have to deal with all those outside factors, because in reality they are not outside at all, it is a matter of perspective. There part of the ecosystem of your life. You still have to attend School (college, night school hopefully), Work, cause you and yours gotta eat! Finances always look bleak when you’re the only one looking at them, share! Parents, deal with them the best way you can but gently remind them that you are not 10 any more and the age of consent has been reached and past into memory.

KIDS! They have their very own paragraph or more. When you’re loved one is strapped across the bed and in or near nirvana and a little knocks tap at your door, because a little one had heard some strange sound and was a frightened. Just remember that they are yours to protect as well and that strange noise may have been you playing silly. That is an obvious no brainier. Now let’s make the knock or just the general interruption a teenager, now the ice becomes slippery. At the risk of seeming to ‘cop out’ Yikes ancient lingo for avoid. I am still learning to deal with this, oops I said learning… I mean try to deal with it.

Teenage boys I get but teenage girls are an enigma. Just when I thought I learned how to read them, they change the language to Babylonian, or Sanskrit, sometimes I get the feeling it is intentional and other times I really believe they don’t know why either. Get a Dom and a Dom or Domme in the rough i.e. teenagers and it’s sometimes as David Bowie sang: “Putting out a fire with gasoline!” And if you’re the new member to the household, hang on tight, cause the ride is gonna be a wild one.

One must learn to move quick and watch one’s steps for the mine field is vast and chock full of little nasty things that can blow up in your face if one is not watching… aw who am I kidding… with teenage girls you don’t even have to be watching, or stepping, it’s liable to just blow up in your face just because her father did call on her birthday or some boy stepped on her heart, or the insidious attacks from the infamous ‘best friends’.

What one must really strive to do is find a constant with them and stick to it no matter how painful it is to you. Remember you’re not their Dom; you’re their Father, or at least an adult guardian. And here is one that I struggle with at time’s, no matter if it seems or even if it is done to you on purpose, treat it as if it wasn’t, give the benefit of the doubt, Forget the video, and affidavits. They just need to know you care, and yes you may be that “asshole” so fondly called, but you’re the “asshole” that is here when she needs someone. You’re not a fair weather asshole; you’re the ready steady asshole with open arms. My wife/slave tries to help me understand this, doesn’t mean I always get it right away. (23 Navy and two teenage boys did not prepare me for a teenage girl.)

So if you bend over and find a cherished toy under the bed, call your loved one in and silently close and latch the door. Give them a pillow to bite and yell into as you do what you both want and need. And if a little interruption occurs… so be it. The universe will offer the time to return to your fun, but like the lottery, you have to buy a ticket to win. So turn off the TV for a bit, or make a play date at home, or best of all, grab what time the universe offers.

Well, as usual this missive has been just my opinion so take what you liked and leave what you don’t. Our clan is going to another Buchmann’s experience at APEX this weekend and we will be at Thunder as well so if you see this green ROK beret, feel free to say hi. So from the Dragon Lord Clan, Bonnie, Kia and myself, we wish you.

Adieu and be well.


The world is your oyster,
Don’t blow it and swallow the pearl!