July/August 2002


Trubled Times
Picture Herefor those times when you're having troubles
by Celeste aka BitaTruble



Dear Bita:

I'm finding that I'm not having the fun with BDSM that I used to have. How can I put some zip back into the life I live with Master?

Just a girl that knows it's supposed to be fun

Dear It's supposed to be fun,

I can't begin to count how many times I've heard this phrase or seen it written. It's supposed to be fun. If you're not having fun, don't do it and all the cousins that go along with those phrases. It's almost a sacred mantra in an alternative culture. We seem to forget that life is not always fun. Living in an alternative culture does not put us in a protective box which shields us from the daily stresses of living life. Submissives and Dominants, Masters and Slaves, Tops and Bottoms. It's as if these labels somehow prevent reality from creeping in. What we sometimes forget is that we are people first and what ever label we assign ourselves is secondary to that fact. People don't always have fun. Contrary to popular belief, slaves do fight with their Masters, submissives do get angry with their Dominants and the Top is not always right. It's called living and really has nothing what so ever to do with BDSM as a culture or lifestyle. Vaninbsp; I do it because it brings out the best of me and that's what I want for myself. I do it even when it's not fun. Even when it's the hardest thing in the world because it's how I remain true to myself. Realize that the fun has not gone out of BDSM. It may, however, have gone out of you. If something made you laugh yesterday and does not today ask yourself what changed. The situation or you. It is so easy to chuck a relationship because it's not fun anymore.. It's so much more rewarding to renew and rekindle that relationship and to work at it because it's got some sort of value to you. Decide which it is then do something about it.




Some mean stop.. some mean slow down... if you use one, what does your safeword (or safety anything if you don't like the word safeword) mean?

Lady Bleu

Lady Bleu actually asked this question on the elist (which I highly recommend to anyone that wants to learn something .. plug, plug.. ::grins::) and I thought it was a good question to answer in this forum.

Simply put my safeword means STOP, something is happening which you (the Top) cannot see via another source such as body language. Something is wrong and I need all action to cease immediately so I can communicate the distress to you. It does not mean I hurt, I can't take it, or this is too much. It is to be used during emergencies only in much the way a fire alarm is set on the side of a building or you can dial 911 for the police department. If that alarmed is pulled someone better have smelled smoke. To use it otherwise is criminal. To have the fire alarmed ignored is paramount to a Top saying, you don't matter to me or even 'die' because I'm not going to heed what you have to say. I know too many couples who make the claim they don't use safewords. Mostly I think that's bullshit and it's just semantics. What Top worth their salt will not immediately desist a scene if the bottom is oh, having a heart attack, bleeding out their ears or some other distress.