What
Slaves Need
Some late-night thoughts i felt were worth sharing
by
david stein
slaves,
and those who seek to be slaves, are constantly advised not to
be self-centered and not to focus on our needs and desires but
rather those of others. And this can be good advice when a would-be
slave is so focused on fantasies of what a Master will look like,
act like, and do to the slave that he loses sight of what he will
do for the Master or bring to the relationship. Being a full-time
sex toy/captive/whipping boy almost never actually happens, and
if that’s what slavery means to you, 99% of the real-life Masters
out there will be terribly disappointing.
But
aside from that lesson, there’s another, more subtle lesson about
slave “selfishness” that’s only now becoming clear to me, which
is that someone who’s looking to become a slave, or remain a slave,
needs to be ruthlessly selfish about getting his or her slave
needs met. By this i don’t mean the basic needs of life for food,
shelter, clothing, employment, social contacts, and a degree of
affection. We all need that, whether we’re slaves or Tops or boys
or vanilla. Rather, i mean the things that feed and strengthen
a slave’s slavery: things like direction, discipline, and service.
About these there can be no compromise, because when they are
lacking in a slave’s life, slavery itself cannot long be sustained.
DIRECTION
The
popular conception is that slaves are people who are forced to
obey a Master’s orders, and many slaves also fantasize being forced.
Being obedient is held to be the opposite of freedom, and the
negative connotations of “slavery” largely consist in this lack
of freedom.
This
no doubt was true of many or most coerced slaves in history. It
is not true of consensual slaves today. Those who become slaves
today in the U.S., Europe, and the rest of the developed world
do so not because they are being forced to obey, but because they
positively need to obey. Obedience is the voluntary slave’s lifeblood.
To obey is not our cross but our joy! We only ask to be given
the opportunity.
And
that’s where direction comes in. Any idiot can tell someone else
what to do! Lots of people are bossy or domineeringor
pushy. That’s not what can satisfy a slave’s need to obey, not
in the long run, because people who are merely bossy tend not
to be very consistent or intelligent about what they tell others
to do; they operate on whim. The more perfectly you obey someone
like that, the more likely you are to get into trouble, because
today’s order may contradict yesterday’s or undermine tomorrow’s.
You can drive a dog or a child insane with contradictory orders;
is a slave any less sensitive?
Ideally,
what slaves need - whether they’re aware of wanting it or not!
- is clear direction, firm goals, consistent rules, unambiguous
orders. And it takes a Master with great presence of mind, intelligence,
self-control, and self-understanding to provide that kind of environment.
DISCIPLINE
The
most common slave fantasy is probably of being punished, but i
think the erotic charge of this is really a metaphor for discipline,
which is not the same as punishment. Discipline is controlled
behavior; punishment is simply a means, and often not a very good
one, of achieving discipline. Just as slaves need to obey, we
need to follow rules and to push ourselves to live up to some
ideal. i think every (voluntary) slave wants to be “the perfect
slave” in some sense, and we need - as much as we need air and
water - someone to hold out that ideal before us and challenge
us to live up to it, even knowing that we’ll never actually achieve
it.
If
it were easy to be a slave, if anyone could do it, what would
be the point? If there were no sacrifice involved, if it required
nothing “above and beyond” ordinary life as a bottom-oriented
leatherman or leatherdyke, why bother?
slavery
is a demanding, challenging vocation, or calling, and its challenges
cannot end once the slave enters into service with a Master. The
Master must provide a continual challenge as well as an environment
in which the slave’s discipline and dedication are continually
honed. To this end, many Masters institute various rituals and
protocols for their slaves to follow. These are misunderstood,
i think, if they are examined too literally, and especially if
the point is taken to be the inculcation of a worshipful attitude
toward the Master’s person. The point is to enable the slave to
develop a worshipful attitude, period. Giving the slave a framework
by which to live a disciplined life of respect and dedication
is the point, not feeding the Master’s ego.
Nonetheless,
at the very prosaic level of “enforcement of rules,” a Master
who does not notice or care about infractions is one who is shirking
His duty toward His slave. It is not necessary to punish, but
it is necessary to take notice of the lapse and deal with it in
some definite way. slaves need to feel the Master’s eye on them
continually, until it is internalized. If He cannot or will not
provide discipline, He has no business owning a slave, just as
a parent who will not provide it for a child is unfit for that
role.
SERVICE
While
there are no end of fantasies about obedience and discipline,
most slaves only fantasize about sexual “service” - but that is
typically the lesser part of a full-time slave’s service. Indeed,
the difference between a slave and a bottom may turn on the willingness,
even eagerness, to serve in nonsexual ways. (As i once read in
a bottom’s personal ad, “I don’t clean my own apartment - why
should I clean yours?”)
Difficulties
arise when Masters, or slaves, confuse service with being used.
The difference is subtle but critical. Perhaps it is the difference
between “being used” and “being useful.” Being used has a very
negative connotation for most people, and i suspect that in cases
where it has a strong erotic charge, it refers more to the categories
of direction and discipline than service. That is, what is exciting
about “being used” is being obedient and controlled, transcending
your own ego and its selfish pleasures to be an instrument of
someone else’s will. That doesn’t have to be a humiliating, demeaning,
or degrading experience - it can be an exhilarating and liberating
one.
Being
useful, in contrast, is something that most people do find pleasurable
and rewarding - slaves more than others. It is the sense of “right
employment,” of expending your life energies in a good and satisfying
way. The joy of service is the feeling of having “made a difference”
in some part of the world, however small.
When
Masters think of a slave’s service purely in terms of having him
at Their beck and call to fulfill any whim or transient desire,
They trivialize the slave’s slavery and undermine his ability
to continue that way of life. On the contrary: a case could be
made that the main reason Masters even exist is to provide slaves
with an opportunity to serve to the best of their abilities! Whether
you accept that view or not, a Master who neglects or wastes a
slave’s talents is worse than a fool; it is a form of abuse as
serious as physical harm or neglect.
Perhaps
the greatest challenge for a Master is to determine how a given
slave can best serve Him, and to reconsider the matter again and
again as the slave grows, learns, and develops. This is not to
say that any particular service should be beneath any particular
slave - we can all benefit from taking a turn at menial chores.
Nonetheless, a slave needs to feel, overall, that he is fulfilling
his potential for service, or he will not remain content in his
slavery for long.
SUMMARY
In
conclusion, the lesson i’m trying to convey is that slaves need
to look out for ourselves in terms of making sure that our needs
for direction, discipline, and service get fulfilled. No matter
how sexy a potential Master may be, no matter how many of your
fetishes He matches and BDSM buttons He pushes, if there’s no
clear evidence that He’ll provide for your basic needs as a slave,
look elsewhere. By the same token, a potential Master who’s not
your wet dream but can offer an environment of clear direction,
firm discipline, and opportunities for challenging and satisfying
service deserves at least a second look.