July/August 2002


Terms and Definitions 2002
by Lord Wolf


There are a great many terms used in the BDSM (bondage&discipline, Sadomasochism)community. Some feel that the letters in the middle denote a third additive to BDSM, D/S. D/S is an acronym for "Dominance and submission. D/S, which you will Note I capitalize both letters myself as I feel they have equal importance, is a relatively new term mostly used by heterosexuals to describe themselves. This term is only about 12-14 years old, but fast gaining acceptance both In "cyberspace" and out in the world. It is also gaining acceptance in the pansexual community as well. As far as I can tell the term started in the realm of placing ads in Local newspapers and swing ads by those looking for partners. Ads stating "demanding woman seeks compliant male " or "Man with dominating personality wishes to meet subservient partners." These appeared as "Code" to inform others of a persons tastes. These codes slowly evolved into "Dominant Whatever wishes to meet Submissive so and so," they were also helped along in great measure by the unsung heroes of the BDSM/Leather world. The Professional Dominatrix. Now even though I have adapted to using these terms both in my life and in my writing I still find that in my opinion the terms dominant and submissive more aptly describe what we are, not what we do. I still personally use the term "Top" to describe what role I play in an S&M "scene." I also prefer to use the term "Lord" instead of "Master" in Public. Saving the term "Master" for those who serve me and those who wish to bestow the title upon me. I do this because I feel master is a title earned, not taken to oneself nor given lightly. To me one must master someone or some particular art to earn the title.

All of that said, know that finding any one term that is accepted on a whole in the BDSM community is rare, and defining that term in a way that all accept is well nigh impossible. Suffice to say that in this authors opinion it matters little what term you use, or how you chose to define yourself. As you read on you will have many chances to define yourself, in anyway you chose, and that is all that matters. How YOU define what YOU do is whats most important. Getting caught up in what others see in your personal definitions is a trap I feel one should avoid. Unless you wish to make clear your tastes to someone you wish to attract or when your seeking a partner. So I think at this point a bit of history will help. To my knowledge, and I have looked into this quite well. The first name or term given to what we practice as a consensual Art was of course "Royal Torturer," :laughing: yes,nonconsensual, but it is the most likely name or title given to the first person who in some way enjoyed the giving, maybe even the receiving of pain. Seriously, non consensual sadism, and slavery have been around for centuries, and have no connection whatsoever to what the BDSM community practice now other than a few terms. Consent and strict negotiation are the norms in the modern lifestyle.

The first term coined addressing what it is we do, in my opinion, was Sadism/Sadist. These terms were coined in the Victorian era (1830-1860) and named after the quite famous French writer Count Donatien Alphonse Francois De Sade (b6/2/1740 d11/2/1840). Better known as the Mrq. De Sade, most famous for writing the novel "Justine". Also famous for being imprisoned for maltreating a prostitute and having what most feel is a psychological disorder carry his name. Not exactly the man I want to have my pleasures named after. In the Mrq's mind the ultimate liberty was the freedom to violate and destroy as will. By his own admission though he had little or no real experience in sadistic acts, other than his fertile imagination. By his philosophy he thought only of the power of inflicting pain for HIS pleasure and would most likely be disgusted by the consensual practices of modern practitioners. Close on the heels of Sadism/Sadist came the terms Masochism/Masochist, named after a likewise imprisoned Austrian writer Leopold Von Sacher-Masoch. These terms were first made popular in 1886 By a German psychiatrist Richard Von Krafft-Ebing and also later combined in 1907 into the term we know today as sadomasochism. Often abbreviated into S/M, he did this because he believed sadists have masochistic traits and vise versa. But Krafft-Ebing was mostly concerned with case studies of nonconsensual sexual violence, Not a consensual act between two agreeing adults. Nevertheless like most doctors in the Victorian era he wanted a title to describe what he saw as an abhorrent behavior. And as was popular in the Victorian era,He at the same time condemned ANY sexual act that did not involve procreation as aberrant behavior. In this "enlightened" age of the new millennium sadomasochism and homosexuality have finally been removed from psychiatric books, the DSM-IV included, as illnesses. As more studies have been done in recent years the mental heath and medical communities have begun to accept BDSM and SM as a safe and legitimate adult practice. In fact the DSM-IV states that S&M only becomes a Disorder when "the fantasies,sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of functioning" In other words you stop having a real life outside of BDSM. As you will see later our modern doctors like to name things just as much as Krafft-Ebing did. Surely these erotic arts were practices in those repressed times, or a term would not be needed to describe what some saw as a pleasurable pastime, and others felt best described as a disorder that must be cured. It is the authors belief that it is this very repression that fed the taste for these pleasurable arts, and that because of the repression of STDs rampant in our modern world, a revival of sorts is underway. From Those seeking to heighten their sexual pleasure, to those who seek to keep a relationship alive with new experiences. People are looking for new ways to explore their sexuality. Those who before found excitement in multiple partners are now placed in a position to make the partner they have both more exciting sexually and to keep that same partner aroused in the context of their relationship. Still more information and the introduction of the Internet have shown those who have these fantasies that they are not alone and allow more freedom to explore what masters and Johnson have estimated that more than 20% of the population has experimented with. This New knowledge, and the ability for thousands to communicate through the Internet, has caused many to see that this is just how some people are "wired" and that with Safe sane and consensual ideals there is nothing wrong with bringing these Ideas into reality. In fact many proudly proclaim membership in what has been loosely called a lifestyle.

Where years ago everyone hid in the shadows of a closed and closeted community that was hard to find much less gain membership to. There now exists an entire community that is devoted to education and social interaction for those with these interests. The S&M scene, which has been around for many years in the Gay leather community has found a place in the mainstream in recent years. The down side of course is that just about anyone can gain membership by placing "Master" at the fore of their name.

If you look about in mainstream entertainment in the last few years you will see that D/s and S&M references abound. A tribute to the growing popularity of the arts. Movies like "Exit To Eden", show that regular people are a large part in this community, and broaden the views of the public. Even main stream action movies such as "The Crow-City of angels" are flooded with D/s and S&M scenes. In this world of changing ideas and ideals it is more important than ever to make clear the concepts we base our "lifestyle" on, and the terms we use to define it. Recent movies like "Strangeland" and "8 MM" have again cast a dark light on our lifestyle, but titillate at the same time. It is education that is needed to counter these images of those in the lifestyle being criminals and murderers. One of the reasons why I feel the terms Dominance and Submission gained such a speedy rise and strong foothold in the world as a defining term of these arts is to distance a segment of people from the Issues following the S&M terms . At some time in the resent past people redefined how they addressed this issues of terms. Some not liking the negative connotations of "sadomasochism", nor the connection to nonconsensual acts redefined themselves and coined new terms. Some were to include. D/s, B/d, Master/slave, and bondage. There is even a Pony or two tossed in for good measure. Long before the heterosexual community redefined its terms, the gay community, more specifically the gay leather community came up with terms of their own. These are Top and Bottom, "Daddie," and "Boy" or "Boi" Bear and Puppy. I personally feel we owe a great debt to the leather community as the fight we face today for the right to define our own sexuality was spearheaded by many great "LeatherMen,Gay Men who at times had to fight for their rights in their own communities As well. Now the definitions of all of these terms are relative to the person using them, and the personal way each and everyone describes themselves. It also depends on their level of "play," skill, and their personal experience. No two people see any of these terms in the same light, after all we are all individuals. For the information of the reader, I will in short descriptions, explain what each is in my opinion. ::: smile::: S&M is an abbreviation for Sadist/masochist or sadomasochism. A sadist takes pleasure in giving pain. This can be consensual or nonconsensual. (The difference between a "lifestyle" sadist and a criminal). A masochist derives pleasure from receiving pain. This pain can be physical, mental, or sexual. Humiliation belongs in this category. The idea of pain as pleasure is long known and the author prefers the term "sensation." Pain is stubbing your toe, having a skilled person flog you for an hour can be quite pleasurable, not unlike a good hard massage. Terms used within S&M, BDSM, and the D/s realms include, but are not limited to.

SS&C: Safe, Sane & Consensual: First Coined in the san-mutopian guardian this mantra has fast become the Anthem of the BDSM community. Years ago we had nothing like this, in fact for a lot of years the idea of negotiation was not at all popular, you either trusted or you didn't. SS&C has been at the forefront of a drive to have One simple and easy to understand rule in the BDSM community, in fact this would be about the only rule, if not the definition of the rule, that all seem to understand and agree upon, and has in fact become a cornerstone In S&M,Leather, fetish, D/S and BDSM in the last 15 years. Here is an attempt to define this term.

Safe: Safe is being knowledgeable and skilled in the techniques Of whatever are you are practicing, being aware of the safety concerns as well as seeking to minimize and dangers that may come up. Taking all precautions to assure that all parties are protected in case anything should go wrong.

Sane; Sane is harder to distinguish, as sanity is relative. What is perfectly sane for one may be unheard of for another. But Knowing the difference between fantasy and reality, between abuse and a pleasurable pastime would be the cornerstones of this definition. What can be done in fictional accounts such as leaving a person bound and alone overnight is fiction, and would be insane in reality and quite a risk. Basically knowing that you leave these extreme acts to fantasy is being sane.

Consensual: Clearly of the three this is the easiest to define, Consensual is respecting the other persons stated and implied limits and boundaries at all times. Consent is the main unbreakable rule of BDSM, without consent what we do is abuse. Consent is the Most important difference between Violence and BDSM. The same acts that are pleasurable BDSM pastimes with informed consent would be crimes without consent. One of the reasons "Safewords" are So Popular in public play settings is that they are a clear form of consent and to ignore a safeword one of the most criminal acts in the BDSM communities.

Safe Word: while I am on the subject, A Safeword is a Word or phrase that would be "Out of place" and easily recognizable as a signal to stop an activity. It is a very important Ongoing sign that all participants agree to whatever activity is being performed at the moment. It can and does at times become set aside in long term relationships. But those who have been involved in the lifestyle for a long time recognizes the importance of maintaining this practice even in Long term Master Slave relationships.

Most of these interactions include the person entering a "ROLE." This is not to say that this role is not who you are, but it is usually a Title or manner you only use in a scene context. No one I know tells a traffic cop to call them Master. Some of these titles include but are not limited to.

  • Top: Usually a Sadist. The person in control of an S&M scene. There need not even be a dominant dynamic though it is often the case, it is not unknown for practitioners to "Switch" in a scene.
  • Bottom: The receiver in an S&M scene. Usually a Masochist.
  • Master: One who receives consensual control over another.
  • Slave: One who gives over control to a Master. Either totally or on a negotiated basis.
  • Geek: A step below Slave. One who is offers themselves to anyone who wishes to control or abuse them.
  • Pain Slut: A person who is in it for the sensation. One who has little or no limits or limitations.
  • Daddy or Daddie: A term which is interchangeable with top or master but may involve some instances of infantilism or Incestuous fantasy play. It is sometimes used as a gender bending term In gay relationships. A female lesbian top will be referred to as Daddie.
  • Boy Or Boi: Again interchangeable with the terms submissive or slave for the same reasons above. A female lesbian may Identify as a Boi to denote that they are a male submissive at heart.
  • D/S: An abbreviation for Dominance and Submission. This art involves consensual power exchange. The dominant enjoys having dominion over the body, mind, and spirit of a Submissive. The Submissive enjoys the giving or the gift of that dominion to another. This control can be sexual (the control of orgasmic response), mental (mental bondage or demanding set tasks), or physical (bondage). D/S often has a spiritual context as well, such as the guiding of the submissive to a higher self. D/S and S&M can involve the use of sensation (pain) to produce a state of what is referred to as "Subspace." Subspace can describe the feeling of being submissive to another, or can describe a mild form of hypnotism produced by the bodies reaction to sensation. This is sometimes known as "Spacing" or "being under." In sensation "Play." The body can produce "endorphins" in response to "trauma," the pain of the act. Much like that which is produced by running or ritual repetitive acts like chanting or dancing. These opiates are a natural response by the body to regulate pain and at times increase endurance to trauma. Some seek this state in their sessions. For some "Subspace" is used to increase the Submissives pleasure in the sexual act which for most, either follows a "session" or can be performed during a scene. Although a sensation session can be a pleasure in and of itself. The reward for some only being a calm floating feeling at the feet of their master. Some D/S terms include but are not limited to.
  • Dominant: One who controls another. The top in a D/S relationship.
    Domme: A female dominant.
  • Dominatrix: Female. Another term interchangeable with dominant or master. Some times used by those who practice SM as a professional Dominatrix.
  • Pro: Domme, Domina,Dominatrix, Dominant, or Master. One who makes a business of S&M scening. Often accepting money or gifts for their services. There are also pro Submissives, or slaves.
  • Domina: Female dominant.
  • Mistress: Female owner of a slave or submissive.
  • Master: Male owner of a slave or submissive.
  • Headmaster: One running a school, or leader of a group of masters.
  • GrandMaster: Leader of a group of masters or leader of a chateau.
  • Lord: One who holds dominion over a person or group of persons.
  • Marq: French for lord.
  • Submissive: One who submits to anothers will, either part time or full time.
  • Pet: One who is "kept"by a master or dominant.
  • Charge: One learning to be a slave or submissive. Not owned but protected by a house.
  • Slave: One giving total control over to another in a consensual negotiated relationship. In service to a person or establishment.
  • Acolyte: One in service for the purpose of learning.
  • Chateau: A house or group of people living the D/S Lifestyle, and/or teaching the same, European term.
  • House: A house or group of people living the D/S Lifestyle and/or teaching the same, US term.
  • Hold: A house or group of people living the D/S Lifestyle and/or teaching the same, term from the middle ages.

D/S is also, in this authors opinion the most ritualized art. Having the most set ritual behavior. The submissive learning certain rules in regards their behavior, and the dominant usually having a title such as "Lord" or "Master," there are as many forms of D/s as there are practitioners. Some even go so far as to Base their Ideals of D/s on works of fiction of such as the "Books of Gor" hence the name Gorean D/S. All and all Books such as, "the story of O," the "Beauty" series and the "Gor" books are just that, fiction, and not the best guide to What D/S or the community really is, On the other hand they are entertaining and if you with to Base your "IDEALS" on them, with of course, Consensual Guidelines It is your choice. But fiction works in fiction, real life is a lot more complicated that the writers imagination. DS is simply what it states, one partner is dominant the other submissive, a state of nature. As we are all evolved from the animal world the idea that one sex is dominant is the rule of thumb. One interesting fact is that among birds it is most often the female who is dominant. Among mammals the opposite is true. In humans of course either sex Is dominant. Dominance and submission describes a state of being however, not a thing you "do," though a dominant does dominate the other partner, they more simply just have a dominant nature which they express. I have found that most who wish a submissive role are usually very dominant in their work or vanilla lives. But within the realm of DS wish the release of serving another. As such it is my opinion that Dom or Sub is not a good description of a place in a relationship higherarchy, such as Master or top, but it is used as such in today's world and so I,as I have said, use it in that context as well. Pinning any of these terms down is a personal matter because when you involve humans and ideas things get complicated. Each path is defined by the individual or group teaching their own way of doing things. Gender is always factor. D/s practitioners also include in their lifestyle, Bondage and S&M to varying degrees, and quite a variety of other "arts" that are not completely visible in the term D/S. All of this Makes the idea of terms a buffet, taking that which works for you and leaving those terms which don't, for those who wish to include them in their own path.

B&D is an abbreviation for Bondage and discipline which describes the mutual Pleasure of binding and sensation, At times the persons enjoying this art also think of themselves involved one or more of the other arts. But it is an art practiced in and of itself. Some identifying in this manner may exclude all other aspects of play. Most of the consensual arts include Binding of some kind, be it rope play or collars and cuffs, Physical restraint is one of the main ways to achieve that feeling of "helplessness" and is a main component of most "Play" but is not a prerequisite. Some who practice Bondage find it a spiritual act in and of itself and no sensation (pain) is involved, Bondage sessions can last for hours if the Practitioner is skilled and the partner in good shape, Japanese rope bondage is Highly ritualized and great care is taken in the final "look" of the bondage.

M/S or Master and slave Is an older term that entails Much of what the others do to a greater degree. The Idea being that the slave gives over total control to the master including the right of choice in what they do and how far they can go. Slavery is of course only enforceable as far as the Slave wishes to go. A Slave entering into service may set limits within the principals of negotiation, Giving their service to One they feel will best take care of them or will seek to care for them as they please their master. But this is not always the case. A slave may wish to give themselves to one whose only desire is self gratification, and seek no pleasure for themselves but the pleasure of serving another.

Other terms within BDSM the BDSM communities include but are not limited to.

  • Lifestyle: a term coined to describe those who feel they Live in a BDSM role at all times
  • Lovestyle: Bedroom BDSM or another description of the above
  • TPE: total power exchange, such as in a Master Slave relationship.
  • 24/7: Living the lifestyle 24 hours a day 7 days a week
  • Dungeon: a play space usually stocked with equipment and tools for S&M; a play space.
  • Scene: The period of time people engage in S&M or D/S play, the act of playing.
  • Session: A period of BDSM play often a set period of time.
  • Play: the act of doing D/S or S&M
  • Playspace: A room or Space that for a period of time is used for BDSM
  • Negotiation: The act of setting Limits, Boundaries and discovering the others desires and wants
  • Contract: Placing those negotiated Limits and Boundaries to paper, Usually for a set period of time
  • Journal: A Diary written by a submissive about their journey
  • journaling: the act of writing a journal
  • OTK: Over the Knee. A spanking reference
  • Sensation: Another word for pain
  • Tools: whips, floggers, etc. the "tools" of S&M practices
  • Toys: Another terms for tools
  • Flogging: the act of using a flogger, Whipping
  • Flogger: a Multi tailed Whip
  • Singletail: a whip such as a bull whip, Signal Whip , A Single lashed whip 2-8 feet long
  • Violetwand: an electric tool that creates static electricity.
  • Tens unit: a tool that emits electrical pulses through a Pad attached to the skin
  • Cuffs: wrist fasteners
  • Cat o nines: a Nine tailed Flogger, usually braided
  • Count downs: A Pavlovian effect to produce orgasms on command
  • Stocks: A Medieval frame that holds the head and hands
  • Saint Andrews: an X shaped frame for upright bondage
  • Post: a Pole that has attachment points for BDSM Play
  • X-frame: A large Cross set on its side with attachment Points for BDSM play
  • Frame: a Square frame for Bondage
  • Bondage table: A table with rings down both sides
  • Cane: a Rattan, Plastic,wood, or other material in the form of a rod for spanking
  • Crop: a Rod that has a leather slapper at the end.
  • Medical play: Play that involves medical devices such as a speculum or just about any play that involves Fluids. Can be a very involved scene where people play " Doctor:"
  • Polyamorous: a Love based relationship Involving three or more people
  • Pansexual: either describing the Gay, Bisexual, Lesbian,trasgender community. Or another term for Bisexual.
  • King triad: a relationship of three people where the head is Male
  • Queen triad: a relationship of three people where the head is Female
  • Stable: a Group of Submissives or Slaves serving one master
  • Harem: a Group of Submissives or Slaves serving one master
  • Pony: someone enacts the Role of a Horse
  • Household:a Group of Submissives or Slaves serving a master or masters In one location.
  • Limits: areas or acts that are not done.
  • Boundaries: areas or acts that are frightening but may be tried
  • First girl/Boy: the head slave or submissive in a household
  • Major Domo: the Leader of a group of Submissives or slaves , usually a switch.
  • Head slave: Usually in charge of a group of slaves in a household
  • Chain: a group of slaves
  • Some other terms which can be a part of any of these arts or be fetish tastes all their own include.
  • Agalmatophilia: is the desire to have sex with a statue, doll,or mannequin. Age Play: those who want to be an adult child.
  • Agoraphilia: Defines a love of public sex play.
  • Apotemnophilia: defines people who are aroused by the fantasy or act of losing a limb such as an arm or leg or even genitalia.
  • Archnephilia: is the use of spiders in the sexual act.
  • Auto erotic asphyxia: is the very dangerous practice of seeking sexual climax through the use of self strangulation.
  • Axillism: is a fixation on arm pit hair or hair in general.
  • Bestiality: also known as zoophilia defines those who find Animals attractive as sexual partners.
  • Bondage: is the practice of restraint for sexual purposes.
  • Bradycubia: is the practice of finding release by having sex very slowly.
  • Breath control: Obtaining sexual excitement from having another control your oxygen intake
  • Capnolagnia: is a fetish involving sexualizing watching others smoke.
  • Catheterophilia: achieving sexual pleasure from having objects inserted into the urethra. Such as metal, glass or rubber rods
  • Cat-fighting: sexual excitement derived from watching women fight or wrestle.
  • CBT: or Cock and Ball torture, deriving sexual excitement from Bondage and torture of the male genitalia.
  • Chezolagnia: deriving sexual excitement from a bowel movement. Chubby Chasers: those who find women of size their sexual Ideal.
  • Climacophilia: those who seek sexual excitement from falling.
  • Coitus a chevel: sex on horseback or around horses.
  • Coitus a mammillia: arousal from breast sex.
  • Coitus a unda: excitement from having sex in water.
  • Coprolalia: the art of talking dirty
  • Coprophilia: sexual arousal from feces.
  • Coprophagy: sexual arousal from ingesting feces
  • Crush fetish: sexual arousal from being stepped upon or watching things crushed by women such as small animals.
  • Dacryphilia: excitement from seeing or feeling or tasting anothers tears.
  • Doraphilia: a fetish for animal fur or skin , often Leather
  • Dysmorphophilia: : People who gain sexual excitement from deformities such as scars,hair-lips,dwarves,hunchbacks, burn victims and so on
  • Electrical Play: sexplay involving Violet wands, Tens units, electrical shocks.
  • Exhibitionism: arousal from being watched or exposing oneself.
  • Fisting: the act of inserting the entire hand in the vagina or rectum and closing into a fist.
  • Flatuphilia: an interest in flatulence "farting"
  • Food fetish: those who gain sexual arousal from eating or smearing food on themselves or their partner
  • Foot Fetish: sexual arousal from Feet
  • Retifism: the sexual arousal from footwear
  • Forniphilia: sexual arousal obtained by being an object or a piece of furniture
  • Frottage: sexual arousal through rubbing oneself on strangers
  • Furries:People who like dressing as animal or acting as same
  • Gerontophilia: seeking elderly sexual partners
  • Giantess fetish: sexual arousal from extremely tall or muscular women
  • Hierophilia: the use of sacred objects for masturbation or profane acts in a church "
  • Humiliation: Eroticization of disgrace or weakness.
  • Infibulation: Injecting saline into the scrotum of a male to cause swelling
  • Infantilism: defines those who are aroused by being Adult Babies things like suckling pacifiers, drinking bottles and wearing diapers
  • Klismaphilia: the use of enemas for sexual excitement
  • Lactaphilia: sexual arousal from breast milk
  • Lagnonector: one who kills in order to have sex with the corpse
  • Maieusiophilia: the desire to have sex with a pregnant woman.
  • Mucophagy sexual arousal from nasal excretions
  • Mummification: a form of bondage, being wrapped from head to toe in latex, Plastic or other material.
  • Mysophilia: sexual excitement from soiled undergarments or clothing
  • Necrophilia: sexual excitement from sex with the dead
  • Nosophilia: sexual excitement from sex with the terminally ill
  • Oculolingus: sexual excitement from licking or kissing the eyes
  • Ophidicism: sexual arousal from Serpents or snakes
  • Pediophilia: a fetish for dolls, often confused with Pedophilia
  • Pedophilia: sexual attraction to children, sometimes acted out in fantasy play by consenting adults
  • Piercing: placing rings through flesh
  • Play Piercing: Placing needles in the skin or flesh on a temporary basis
  • Phallophilia: a fetish for a large penis also called size queens
  • Pie fetish: those who like to be hit with pies
  • Poly: an open relationship, or relationship with three or more people
  • Polyamorous: wishing or having a multiple love relationship
  • Polyiterophilia: the need to have more than one sexual partner to achieve orgasm<
  • Pony Play: the desire to be a horse or train a human horse.
  • Psychrocism: sexual arousal from being cold or having a cold partner
  • Roman Showers: sexual arousal over being vomited upon
  • Taphephilia: sexual arousal from being buried alive.
  • Urolagnia: sexual arousal from being urinated upon.
  • Voyeurism: deriving sexual pleasure from secretly watching others.
  • Food fetish: a desire to get messy with food.

Many of these definitions were created by the medical community, some were not. And in explanation these definitions are limited because they are narrow in scope. Some of these were added for interest or for fun. A person can like many variations on these themes. a Pedophile is a criminal of course but someone gaining sexual arousal from acting as a child or enjoying his adult partner in that role is safely acting out a fantasy.

This author feels that each person must chose their own definitions of self, In example I call Myself a "artistic Consensual Sensation practitioner" which in reality is Just a Politically correct term to describe a Modern "sadist" but one I feel fully describes "MY" Pleasure to others who may not like what sadist brings to mind. Each of us can do the same by coining whatever terms we feel comfortable with, be it Known terms such as Dominant, Top, Master, Submissive, Masochist, Bottom, Boy, Pony, or any other. Or by inventing our own terms for our own pleasures. We in this Lifestyle are Nonconformists for the most part,but oddly wish to conform to a rules based ideal. One of my axioms, that I came up with for the "biker" community Years ago also fits those in the BDSM community as well, " the problem with nonconformity is we are human, and as Humans we feel we Must be Nonconformists Who conform to some form of Nonconformity" we are more comfortable being different with others who are like us. In inventing our own Terms we can be true nonconformists, Make up a term that describes YOU, it is not only your right but a great way to define your tastes. A few I personally Have heard are .... Active Role: Power Master, Erotic Sadist, Strict Dominant, Loving SadoController, Japanese WebWeaver, Sadistic Binder, Sensual SadoDisciplinarian , S/M Switch-On and as My Submissive refers to me at times A Life support device for a Whip.

Reactive Role: Pet, Binding slave, Spiritual Masochist, Lustful Submissive, Loving Masokissive, Ecstatic WebWoven, Flexible Bindee, Sensuous Discipline Seeker and S/M Switched-On.

What I have tried to impart on you the reader are some ways we in the BDSM , D/s, M/s and leather communities describe ourselves, as well as many terms used to describe various fetishes and desires. The author awaits the day when terms, descriptions, sexual preferences do not separate us but unite us, bring us together in what is common among us. Until that day arrives be content to define yourself and show respect and courtesy to those who define themselves differently. And always remember you are what you eat. So you could be a dominant or submissive and not know it.