So,
how did you find the scene? What was your first fantasy? A lot
of people find the scene today through the Internet, which is,
in my opinion, a double-edged sword. The net has been both the
best thing and the worst thing that has happened to the lifestyle
in recent years: Good because of the number of people who genuinely
want to find it and want to see and experience what it is really
like in the real world, bad because of the number of people who
come in with only what they see and "learn" on the internet
or who are driven by the fantasy images that they have dancing
in their heads via popular erotic fiction and expect to find that
the real time world of BDSM is exactly like that. Rarely, if ever,
is it.
The
Internet has opened up a world of information and disinformation
that is available to anyone with the click of a mouse, and having
nothing else but what is presented on the net to be the "truth".
People take what they have read here as factual. I love the net.
I started here in 92. I found what was to become the lifestyle
that I lead today because a real life friend of mine took the
time to take me to the channels that she hung out in. I became
very hungry for real time information, so I could really see and
try what just talking and cybering about, felt so right and natural
to me. I was lucky , in that I had a real life friend to help
me and that it only took me 5 years to find a real time group
and community. Five years….it makes me smile now, because again
through the net you can find, clubs, groups, organizations and
events throughout the country to go, learn and see from in person.
That again, is one of the good things to me about the net…it can
lead you to sources of information that are genuine and good,
if you take the time to research it.
Unfortunately
so many people get heated up from what they have "done"
online and can't wait to play, thinking that from what they have
"taken" online has adequately prepared them for the
same things in real time and that's the submissives. The Doms
who have been online a year or more also seem to think that what
they have learned play wise online makes them an expert at the
real thing when the time comes. It ain't so folks.
You
CAN learn a lot about negotiating, what Safe, Sane and Consensual
means, safe calls, etc. You cannot however know squat about either
using a flogger, single tail, cane, paddle, restraints, cuffs,
wax, needles, or anything else until you have had in person teaching
on how those "toys" are supposed to be used, see them
used and see what they can and will do. Subs, you cannot take
what you have endured online in cyber play and "know"
what it's going to be like for real. It's a fantasy. It's hot
and sexy online, but what you have actually "endured"
or "taken" is keystrokes.
I
have watched many people come out to public play dungeons, misrepresent
what it is that they can do or enjoy or take and find out the
hard way, often with very bad results what the reality is. Play
when done correctly and within the limits of what a person enjoys
can be hot and sexy as hell, but that folks, takes real time education
by people who know what they are doing and talking about. Those
people are out there and willing to help new people coming into
the scene, learn. But how do you know who they are, how do you
find them and then how to know whether they are who and what they
represent themselves to be, or perhaps, someone that is full of
the liquidity brown substance that shoots out a yak's ass? It
can be done, in most cases easily if you take the time to find
out how.
I'll
talk about that next month. In the meantime, enjoy online, it's
fun and it should be…but don't let yourself be drawn in and hurt
or worse, by someone who either does not know what they are doing,
or worse yet, looks for people to hurt using BDSM as an excuse.
Now
that I have your attention, feel free to e-mail me. I promise
to read each one of them, but cannot promise that I will respond
to them.