July/August 2001
Protection

by devoted angel

Protection is it just of the mind is it body or is it spirit or all? In my opinion it is all of these. In researching different aspects of areas that people look for within a BDSM relationship the fist thing I have found is that protection has a wide range. The emotional well being of B/both partners is very important. In reality there are several things E/each must look at. Such as emotional stability, physical ability and mental stability etc. As a submissive/slave you trust your Master to know all areas that have the need for protection. And also a submissive/slave must listen and be protective of their Master as well. E/each must know when it is safe to be open about the life style, and when to keep things at a vanilla level to be sure that no harm comes to the O/other in their public or family part of their life.

Protection of the mind must deal with all aspects safety in a scene and care. Along with the nurturing of ones mind. E/each must keep in mind that the mind affects the heart and the spirit as well. Therefore, if a person is being protected mentally then the heart and spirit are able to grow and flourish.

The mind has a direct affect on the heart and the emotional state of E/everyone.

When involved in a relationship E/each person looks to the O/other for the protection that their relationship is stable and well cared for. As a submissive/slave one looks to the Dominant for the love, acceptance, and levels of control to make their life complete. The Dominant must take into consideration what means must be taken to protect the submissive/slave from emotional, mental turmoil.

There are a few statements I would like to share that are very good these are statements from others. Securing the mind giving peace and reassurance is important not causing harm emotionally. It is paramount you partner is mentally healthy. When a Dominant sees a need to dish out a punishment they must know that the punishment will help their submissive/slave grow blossom and learn from what has happened. That is a big responsibility for a Master. The Master must also make sure that the submissive/slave understands fully the reason for the punishment. The Master must be certain there is no confusion and they are consistent in all that they do and say.

O/one does not neglect their personal belongings if they wish to have them for a long time it is the same in a relationship. E/each must protect the heart, mind body and spirit in order for the relationship to grow and become strong.

This leads into another topic: 

Communication

This is the most important aspect of any relationship vanilla or D/s BDSM.  I feel that it is even more paramount in this life style because without the communication the respect, trust and safety are not there.  E/each partner must know and understand the other.  Is communication just talking to each other?  No it isnít communication is so much more it is understanding body language, moods, expressions of the eyes and truly listening not just hearing E/each other.  You must be honest and open with E/each.

When there is a break down of communication there is a feeling of neglect and the trust does not flow.  One may feel that what they have to say is silly or will be met with an attitude of unimportance.  However, if the relationship is strong E/each partner stays open and honest and really listens then nothing that is said is taken as silly or unimportant.  If  O/one is lead to believe that what they have to say is silly or unimportant than this can lead into a loss of trust and respect and then O/one will clam up and not be open with the O/other.  Talking about how you feel and what you think helps a relationship grow and also helps B/both parties grow as well.  The trust that builds will only do so threw listening to E/each other.  The respect will grow as well. When two people spend a lot of time talking and getting to know E/each other then the barriers can come down and they feel more comfortable in sharing who they are and what their wants needs and desires are. B/both parties should know everything about the O/other.  Dominant and submissive/slave should discuss medical history, family job situation, etc, etc.

Communication must also come in the form of body language.  E/each partner should know how to read the others body language.  This is very important especially for a Dominant while in a scene.  If the Master does not know the body language of his/her submissive/slave than there can very easily be a safety issue.  Yes safe words are very important but at the same time, sometimes it is very hard to call out the safe word.  Or the submissive/slave may be too bent on accomplishing a goal that they disregard their safety.  This is when a Master must watch the body language in order to determine when a scene has become too intense to continue. Also body language tells a lot about a person when you are just talking to them.  If you are the type of person that believes in eye contact and expects it and the other person refuses to give eye contact it can lead to a feeling of distrust, like they may be hiding something or are not being honest about how they really are. 

Also in communication a submissive/slave must trust their Master to know what is best.  If their Master tells them to paint the shower red should the submissive/slave question why?  No they should carry out their Masters orders trusting that there is a good reason for this to be done.  Afterwards, the Dominant and the submissive/slave sit down and discuss why it was done.  It may just be a test to see if the submissive/slave trust the Masters judgment and knows that the reason will be explained. 

Remember Y/your partner can not make sure safety issues are covered if Y/you donít let them get to know just who you are.  Also a Dominant can not make informed decisions about a submissive/slaveís life if they are not given the full information.  Y/you have to be totally open and honest about every aspect of who you are.  In the same token a Dominant must be open and honest about who they are and their wants, needs and desires for a submissive/slave to serve them well and be all they can be.