May/June 2003
Trubled Times
Picture Herefor those times when you're having troubles
by Celeste aka BitaTruble

Bita -

I wrote to you a couple of months ago, and found your advice to be quite focused and helpful. If you've the time, I'd like to ask your advice again.

I'm a pretty new Dom (6mos), but recognize qualities in myself that make me confident of that place. I've been involved with my sub, a beautiful woman who has been lifestyle about 5 years; she's therefore much more experienced than I am. We are 24/7, very well suited to each other, and intend on a very long term relationship.

She's very open to a lot of things, and very responsive. Her opinion is that I'm doing everything quite well, not going too far, but not doing too little either. This has not been from me forcing an opinion from her, this was volunteered. My approach to many parts of our life is intuitive, and has worked well. I have no perspective as to how I'm doing, but I can say she is very responsive, appreciative, and respectful.

I have two questions and a little background

#1 - what do you suggest for guiding a sub to something they're not pursuing, but is not a hard limit? Specifically, she's not real hip to swallow my cum, but has said that she could see that being very important to her. How could I take her from one to the other? My suspicion with her is that if I can take a couple of small incremental steps, the rest will fall into place, but I've no concrete plans on how to start, just a few ideas

#2 - for the 24/7 relationship, how do you handle times when D/s cannot be a high focus of the relationship? The situation is: My sub is facing a hysterectomy, at 35 years old. Neither of us want children, so that is not a problem; but she had a bad experience when she was a child in the hospital, hence she's had a lot of anxiety going into this. She's pulled back from some of our relationship, and I know that is because she's trying to cope. She can't put the energy into that part of us for the moment, and my sense is that if I force the issue it will worsen. How would YOU deal with something like this? I'm in a quandary, how do I maintain any part of our D/s life - or should I just let it go completely for the moment? Her surgery's Monday, and once she's home I know things will be MUCH better. I know a lot of it is the unknown, plus having to spend a couple of nights in
the hospital.

Thank you for any information or opinion you come up with. Part of my inability to make heads or tails of some of this is that I'm in the midst of moving - I have no local support for D/s (I'm not out - it's a small community), and only know a couple of people in the community where I'm moving, so not much of a support system just yet. I appreciate your time and effort - many thanks.


Hi J,

Nice to hear from you again. I'm going to tackle the second question first.

I had to have surgery in November and was out of commission for about a week. During that time, I went through some issues with D/s and how to balance my inability to 'do' things as I normally would in my relationship. Everything sort of hit home with me on my second day out of the hospital when my Master asked me if I wanted something to drink and I said I would get it. He turned to me and asked me again if I wanted something to drink. I told him that I felt bad about him serving me. His reply was that as my Master, it was his option to decide when I would serve and when I wouldn't. That I had to remember my place was to obey him and do as I am told so when he asks me something like do I want a drink, I just need to answer him honestly. The D/s doesn't go away, it just takes on a different aspect from what we are used to. Remain in control of the situation even if that means it 'appears' the D/s is not there. Be proactive in those areas where she is having difficulty. If she tells you she needs to do something, don't just say 'ok' - order her to do it. (I.E. She says, I think I'll go take a bath. Rather than just saying 'ok' you can say something like "That's a great idea, get your butt in there and go do it.") Keep the power within your hands. My Master's main concern is my good health and part of his responsibility towards me is to make sure that I maintain my good health as best I can. Sometimes that means things like him doing those things I normally would do. If your submissive is having problems in this area, a gentle reminder that if she just listens and obeys you is probably all you will need to get through this trail. She is still your submissive, even when she's under the weather and your love and support will go far to help speed her recovery. If she argues with you, feels guilty about you doing things for her or tries to do to much too soon, the question "Who's the Master" should stop her in her tracks. Michael will often say things like "Are you my submissive or aren't you?" That does it for me every time. I will light a candle for you both and wish her a speedy recovery from her surgery.

Your first question is a lot more fun to tackle. ::chuckles::

To my mind, anything that's not a hard limit is fair game. Starting off slow with baby steps would by my course of action. One of the main issues with swallowing cum is the taste. That's easy to remedy. This is going to mean some sacrifice on your part, but the rewards will be more than worth it. There is a saying that goes, you are what you eat. If you take great care with what you eat over the course of just a few days, you can change the taste of your cum dramatically. This is what my Master and I did when we wanted to explore golden showers. The same principals hold true for swallowing cum.

Day 1: Drink a least a gallon of water. Avoid all alcohol, coffee, tobacco, red meat, eggs and things like onions and garlic. Supplement with sweet apple juice, sweet fruits like bananas and avoid the citrus fruits like lemons etc. A plus will be that you can eat things like chocolate. ::grins:: Breads are fine and pasta's are good if you use a white sauce rather than a tomato sauce. Chicken is great, fish is bad. ::laughs:: Avoid fried foods as well. Keep towards the 'bland' and avoid the spicy and you'll be on the right track. Veggies are great if they are not a 'strong' taste... broccoli and asparagus should be avoided, but sweet corn would be wonderful.

Day 2: This is the apple juice day. Try to drink at least a gallon of it. If you don't like apple juice, a purple or white grape juice will be almost as good. Not orange juice though or grapefruit juice. You want the sweetness, and foods that are high in acid will counteract all the sugar. Again, no alcohol, coffee etc. Crackers are great and high fiber foods that are not strong in flavors. Again, chicken is great, fish is bad and continue with the sweet veggies and fruits.

Day 3: This is the day that you will make your first attempt with your submissive. By now your body will have changed it's chemical 'taste'. Time to get out the strawberry jam ::or apricot.. whatever she likes as far as flavor:: Rub that all over your cock and let her suck you until just before you need to cum. As soon as you cum, have her rub your cum all over your cock rather than take it in her mouth. Add a little more jam to your cock and then have her lick you clean. If you do all these things a few times a month, eventually she will get used to it and will be able to take your cum in her mouth. Over time, she will be able to swallow without gagging and a big plus will be her knowing how pleased you are with her.

I hope these ideas help you.. I know they worked great for me and I appreciated my Master taking the time and the baby steps necessary to get me to the point where it was no longer an issue.

Bright blessings on both of you.