In my fairly religious upbringing, I found that thoughts of BDSM were always present and trying to meld the two has been a long journey, only one of which I've made in my life. I grew up in Southern California and as a youth I tried to find ways to deal with how 'kinky' I was in my head.

I played as a child in scenes involving spanking and rope tying. I had to be the cowgirl and I tied up my brother on several occaisions. He actually lost two teeth as a result of my VAST *cough* knowledge of safety at 11 years old.:) I was also caught by my girlfriend's mother once in a spanking scene. Pants down and all. I laugh now that I've raised my own kids.

Much has changed over the years. I learned through two marriages that a controlling personality is not a sexual Dominant. I learned that ranting never gets anyone to listen to you.

When I started reading material on BDSM it was some time ago, and very underground. I was married in a vanilla relationship that was very demeaning and during the course of this marriage, I made the decision that I wasn't going to stand for that any longer, I also made the decision that I was going to take control of my life and make better decisions for myself. What a concept!

My first R/l experiences were ok but far from what I was seeking, a bit too sugar coated vanilla for me. I started out as a submissive, not realizing that I may have been doing that because of the control and influence of my previous marriage. As I grew in my personal life I was actually growing into a more true nature. I still do bottom occaisionally as the intensity has the same effect on me as a good cigarette. Very calming.

A dear friend and Gorean slave I met online, lost his Owner and asked me to take him. I tought he was nuts at the time. He obviously saw something more in me than I could. I poured through literature and started taking on male subs privately in an attempt to learn all I could. The Domme was born. I never did take this Gorean slave but it was a precurser for bigger and more intriguing things to come.

Up to this point I hadn't considered a more public stance. I had already spent years doing things and learning on my own. When the need to find others became greater than my need to hide, I started searching. Finding a group in Utah proved to be a bit difficult as I had looked for a year or so at that point. I finally found one...PowerPlay. It was there that I met my current Husband, Master Briggs. He is Dominant also and if you don't think that makes for some fun dynamics :) Our BDSM lives together have been all about teaching. I didn't want people to have such a difficult time finding groups or information as I did when I started. I have been told that I sometimes act like a mom. I take that as a compliment for it is truely a joy to see the newcomers grow. When the lightbulbs suddenly come on in the eyes of someone who has just figured it out. It's like seeing the light in the eyes of a child.

We moved to Minnesota and lived there for 1 1/2 years. Our jobs kept us from becoming extremly involved in the scene there but we did meet some good people and shared ourselves with them. Then the opportunity came to move to Idaho. An opportunity Master Briggs could not turn down. He grew up here. So again we made the move and have since spent the last 2 1/2 years corrupting the Idaho BDSM Community :) We started our first chapter of CHOICES (www.bdsmCHOICES.org) in the South Eastern region of the state and have recently expanded to a second Chapter in Boise. We are making strides faster than we can keep up with. We started our first issue of the group's newsletter and have workshops and symposiums planned involving NCSF and have been offered visits from many national presenters.

In my experience with people, groups and organizational leaderships, I have learned a great deal about ethics. I maintain a love for one special couple that taught more by example than anyone ever could by being showy with a flogger or telling me what was right and wrong. They will always have a spot in the deep recesses of my heart. Thank you Master Michael and Celeste.*wink*

At this time in our lives we can finally live our D/s lifetsyle on our terms. We live in a poly family with Master Briggs' submissive and I will always be on the look out for that one special male sub. I will call him calaf :)