those times when you're having troubles
by Celeste aka
really play with food, do they?
Remember when your mom said, "Quit playing with your food!"
Well, I'm here to tell you that while I love, adore and cherish
Moms, they don't know everything. It's time to cut those apron strings!
(Save the string though, you may need it later!) Playing with food
has long been the bailiwick of the vanilla world. Everyone knows
of using chocolate and whipped cream, spreading strawberry jam all
over the body of a loved one and pouring maple syrup over delicious
and delectable flesh to enhance a sexual encounter. But you're not
in Kansas anymore, Dorothy. Welcome to the leather culture. Those
of us in the lifestyle have taken food play to new heights utilizing
spices such as ginger (see the article on Figging: The Art of Ginger
Root Play located elsewhere in this ezine for more information)
and vegetables such as potatoes to make our sensational encounters
even more sensational. The creative human leather-mind is unencumbered
by such things as cookbooks and culinary etiquette when it comes
to what we really like to cook with 'out' of the kitchen. So grab
a snack and read on for some truly enjoyable tasty sensation ideas.
I say grape? Yes! Green, seedless and unpeeled. Fishing line works
very well for this little trick and if you can't afford that beautiful
$40.00 set of anal beads this is perfect for getting your daily
dose of vitamin A (That's A as in Anal, of course!) Take 7 or 8
fairly large, not quite ripe green grapes. Using a needle, thread
the fishing line (about 18") and then insert the needle right
through the middle of the grape going lengthwise. Tie off a knot
on each side of the grape and continue until you have all the grapes
strung. Space your grapes about 2" apart. Next, tie off a large
loop to use as a handle to make extraction easier. Be sure to use
unpeeled grapes as peeled grapes can be crushed during the extraction
process. Generously lube the opening of the anus and insert the
grapes one at a time until they are all in. After the grapes are
inserted, your natural body heat will warm them slightly and you
will have a pleasantly smelly ass. Perks all around! For extraction,
pull on the handle you made … slowly … pulling the grapes out one
at a time. If you happen to lose one, don't worry unduly. The human
body has a natural flushing mechanism and, trust me on this one,
I speak from experience, the grapes will, eventually, find their
way out. I don't recommend green apples for this little trick unless
you have a very resilient submissive or they have a very big asshole.
A word of caution here. Unless you are really into scat, toss the
grapes in the trash after play … you can always buy more to eat.
(Here's a side note: Mix melted chocolate and oatmeal and take it
to a play party. It's very realistic. Have your sub eat it to gross
out the guy that's hogging the St. Andy's X. I have it on very good
authority that it's not that bad and that X will be yours in no
are the key words in this little bit of food fetish fun. Vanilla's
may think pouring chocolate sauce all over their partner is the
ultimate in food play fantasy, but we know different down in the
dungeon. Mix up your favorite batch of pure chocolate candy making
sure that it is well tempered before spreading. Tempered chocolate
hardens when cold so you will need plenty of ice on hand to make
this particular fantasy into a reality. After tempering your chocolate,
spread it thinly and evenly on a smooth surface. Breasts work really
well for this or nice shaved genitals for the male of the species
or, if you have enough chocolate, you can go for the ass mold. After
spreading the tempered chocolate it needs to cool fast or the natural
heat from the body will not allow it to harden. That's where the
ice comes in. Simply surround your chosen area with a foil tent
and cover the chocolate with ice. It won't take long for the chocolate
to harden. Remove the ice, the carefully remove the chocolate mold.
The one is easy to mess up, so practice, practice, practice to perfect
your culinary Masterpiece. And if you can get your Master to wear
a mold, let me know how you did it … I'd love a piece of chocolate
Recipe for Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups
½ cup of Hershey's Semi-Sweet Chocolate Morsels in the microwave.
Stir until smooth and spread, thinly over the upper third of your
sub's breast or about halfway around your sub's cock until you have
a nice shaped mold. (Do check the temperature of the chocolate so
your session isn't interrupted by a trip to the hospital to treat
the third degree burns you just inflicted!) Add ice to harden the
chocolate quickly. Remove mold and fill with your favorite brand
of peanut butter. Depending on the size of the breast or cock, you
may need a very large jar of peanut butter. (My personal favorite
is the extra chunky, but then, I really like nuts.)
never did this with Rice
a bad hair day? Boss getting on your case? Just want to fuck with
your subbie because you feel like it? Have them kneel on dry rice
and they will quickly learn to jump at your every bark. Kneeling
on rice with their arms straight out to the sides, palms up, balancing
a glass of water while being flogged is loads of fun … for the Dom.
Subbie spilled the water? Laying down on a bed of nuts isn't very
comfortable either. Hm, well, I take that back … it certainly depends
on the 'kind' of nuts one is laying on. Yes, yes, it certainly does.
A little tip for my sub brothers. Don't stick peanuts down your
urethra. You can cause a blockage and pain that you can't code out
of and unlike playing with grapes in the anal cavity, your cock
will not necessarily expel the peanut should it get trapped. Your
urologist will be able to do it however, so if you have good insurance
and you are into humiliation, go for it but don't say I didn't warn
you. (Every wonder how someone finds out stuff such as this? Hm?)
use an ice cube tray to make ice, but the cubes are square and
most human orifices are not. (Electric ice makers are NOT our
friends!) For less than two bucks you can pick up the plastic
four tray ice pop makers they sell for the kiddies. (Ours is orange.)
You'll get an elongated ice cube with a convenient handle for
the Dom. For an extra special treat, pull a condom over the ice
pop then dip the whole thing in Hot Pepper Oil (4 oz. baby or
mineral oil and 2 tablespoons cayenne pepper, shake) and remember,
please keep plain yogurt on hand when dealing with Hot Pepper
Oil in case your subtype person codes.) Insert and enjoy the squirming.
(Side Note: Freeze a banana then insert into the anal cavity of
your choice. The body heat will thaw the banana which will break
down and eventually pass. What fun!) (Side note part two: Use
a straw to freeze Ice catheters. Make sure you smooch the ends
down before urethra insertion.)
the freezer, in the crock pot, even in the oven happily cooking,
but raw meat or poultry shouldn't be in your submissive. (You have
heard of salmonella right?) Meat has bacteria which, once thawed,
starts to multiply. Every hour there is a significant increase in
the bacterial colony and even if inserted rather than ingested can
cause serious even deadly consequences. So throw those pork chops
in the frying pan. After dinner, your sub can wash the pan and you
can spank him with it. Cooked meat however, is another story. Once
meat is fully cooked (or smoked) bacteria multiply at a much slower
rate making it safer to utilize in your sick and twisted fantasies.
Personally, I'd rather use a cucumber. (If you don't have a cucumber
in your fridge, go ask your mother … she's got lots of them. They
take wrinkles out of the eyes .. no, really!)
no … that's Wasabi. It's a Japanese ginger, most commonly found
in it's paste green form here in the States. It's a wonderful irritant.
Tabasco and Habaneros are also great to add some spice to your BDSM
play. Pick an opening, any opening. A little dab will do ya. Or
your sub in this case.
you putting that Watermelon!
Peel a cantaloupe
and warm it in the microwave for a few minutes. Cut out a hole
slightly smaller than the cock of your dear submissive. Watch
him smile as you slowly ease the cantaloupe (or other melon of
your choice) onto his hard cock.
careful here. Make sure you have a funnel that doesn't have sharp
edges which can tear delicate tissue. If you buy a metal funnel,
machine it down smooth or if it's plastic an emery board should
work to smooth out the edges. Use the buff side of the emery board.
Avoid glass funnels because some of what you will stick down that
funnel is guaranteed to make your sub squirm and glass in the ass
is no fun for Dom or sub. Once you have contrived the perfect funnel,
only your imagine will stop you from filling up all the wonderful
holes in your submissive with a wide variety of interesting textures
(mashed potatoes? Creamed corn? You people are sick!) Avoid yeast
based products. Ask any woman why and she'll tell you all about
yeast infections. Not fun. Also, never force air or carbonated beverages
into your sub's pussy. You can cause an embolism that can KILL her.
Was that clear enough?
one is too easy. Just pop a handful of Pop Rocks Candy in your mouth
then give your Dom the blow job of his dreams. He'll thank you for
it in the morning. (I've heard a myth about Altoids, but it doesn't
work on Michael. Let me know if it works on your Dom.)
one is a time honored classic. Your male sub will need to start
with a raging erection. The more raging the better. Simply slip
as many donuts over the cock as will fit. Admonish your submissive
that he'd better not let any drop or will suffer dire consequences.
easy the most novice of Dommes can do this one. Simply slip a nectarine
between the butt checks of your submissive and tell them not to
drop it. A little olive oil spread over the nectarine beforehand
will make this very difficult. We don't recommend uses peaches in
this scenario because the fuzz gives them some friction thus making
it easier to hold. Can't let the subs off to light, right?
Well, I think
you have some ideas of how much fun food play can be. Use your imagine
along with a heavy dose of common sense and you will have many years
of culinary delight! If you are unsure if a food is safe to insert,
then don't! Do some research first and you may find that it is perfectly
ok. There are thousands of foods to choose from and you should be
able to find a suitable substitution for those items which may cause
harm. If your sub breaks out when he eats strawberries, for crying
out loud, use a different fruit.