May/June 2002 | |
The
burning touch of the flogger, The weighty
heft of responsibility one carries is sometimes lost in the pleasure of
the moment. When one enters the realm of a Top, Dom, Master/Mistress,
one sometimes forgets to see or feel the load one is bearing, because
of that incredible lightness of being… being a controller of another.
Many of us have learned through trial and error, (that latter word we
try to ignore, but in reality can not.) We have
learned just what that responsibility is and means in our life, sometimes
the hard way. That first time you took another to the brink and let them
gaze into the abyss of their soul, others can tell you all about it but
until you experience it, it is just puffs of air, words that have no true
relevancy until you are holding that person and soothing them as you strive
to bring them back. For some who will admit it, there is an element of
righteous fear that accompanies that first reentry process from a deep
probe into the other side of the mirror. One may even wonder why do we
accept this responsibility of another’s flesh, mind and spirit within
the palms of our hands. Why do we risk all that we do? Because it is who
and what we are! Sounds like a pat answer, so let us explore it a bit
deeper. We are
literally wired to do certain actions and to accept certain stimuli as
pleasurable, painful, lustful etc. The neural pathways within our brain
follow routes plotted by congenital mapping, the combinations of our experiences
and the modalities or ways and means of how we learn. Somewhere in that
grand scheme of mental engineering, we become hard wired in several ways,
some are exclusively one way, while others in varied combinations. Some
of us are wired for care taking, in other words, one sees a need in another
and tries to fulfill the other’s need, either because we can or we are
willing to learn how. Others are wired for self-need and seek others who
are a mirrored reflection of that need, thereby fulfilling both. And some
are wired to just take and if that works for the other, that’s just gravy
for the dish. Yet for the latter even though it is not spoken of much,
they have a sense of responsibility to their partners to some extent or
they would find no one who will play with them, so shhh… even Sadists
have a sense of responsibility, other wise they would be sociopathic,
and that is one or two steps beyond our world. There
are even some who find they have a need, a desire to instruct another
either from their own experiences in the life as a bottom, sub or slave,
or just from an internal need to learn from instructing (one way to learn
about something is to teach it to another.) Whatever the reason(s) that
the wiring was laid down the way it was, it is just a reflection of the
modality that we operate from. What is the common link, that common concept
that flows through most of us? It is a sense responsibility mixed with
personal code of ethics in regards to those we deal with. According
to Webster’s first definition of the word: Responsible: answerable
or accountable, as for something within one’s power, control or management.
That’s what is expected of us, by others and by ourselves. According to
Webster’s second definition of the word: Ethics: a complex of moral
precepts held or rules of conduct followed by an individual. The first
definition dealt with group ethics. We are wired to do as we do, because it gives us many things we need, not necessarily desire, for desire speaks more of wants, while need addresses a requirement. This is a requirement that compels us to be controllers of others, to be responsible for their welfare, guidance, growth and development, within the confines of a set of ethics. How each of us achieves these ends is a matter of personal requirements and a clarified personal world view. To each their own, and as always this is just my own view and not the only view. Take what you like and leave what you don’t. The following is a portion of my own personal code, which I have incorporated. It was written on the wall of a very old Dojo for swordsman! Jinkaku
no kansei ni kissuru koto Rei
to setsu ni shushi suru koto Shingi
o omonzuru koto Sentan-banren
ni tessuru koto Kekki
no yu ni hayaru bekarazaru koto Take
Care and be well.
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