May/June 2002
Motivation! Is this NOT Motivation?
Aspects of DD and D/s!
by awhitecloud

 

What motivates me the most is the trust and respect that I have for my Master. I have gained this respect and trust through our relationship, and it continues to grow as we walk down this road together. We have more aspects of D/s and, or, DD in our relationship with some BDSM parts. But it all works and that is what is the most important thing. I know that at times I am a brat and we deal with this. Having discipline in our home helps both of us to communicate more openly and emotionally. For it allows us to renew and strengthen different aspects of our relationship. I look onto my Master to lead me to a happier, more emotionally stable, loving, sexual relationship.

I love my Master for his willingness to help me grow and to change different things in my life that I wish to change, as well as some things that he wishes me to change. As I grow and change, I gain more aspects of myself and who and what I am. I just keep trying and, at times, I am surprised with what I see or find. I know at times Master can and does call for a discipline eveningÖI do not like them at all, but they are important to our relationship. These evenings also allow the trust and respect to grow as we work on new things. I do not have to do anything wrong for us to have a discipline evening, itís him showing me that he has the right to this and that he will use it.

And I will tell you that it is motivating. For if he calls for one and finds out I have done something wrongÖwell itís no longer discipline but an evening of punishment. I am best off to just go and tell him when I have done something wrong then to ever have him find it out. For to tell him would just get me a punishment session, and not telling him gains me an entire evening of punishment. Itís not fun and itís something I work hard at to not have happen.

Discipline and punishments are different from each other. They both provide different aspects to our relationship. I know that my Master does not enjoy punishment any more then I do, and itís never a good time. Itís a time of bonding and a closeness that enters through it. I canít say that I ever enjoy pain, for I do not. But spanking does bring a satisfaction to me, once itís done. It is an emotional need for me, and to date I have not found anything else that can bring this feeling to light. Our relationship, the emotional connection, is not based on spanking on itís own. Itís more the interaction of the two of us coming together. But I also know and understand if a spanking is to have any effect it must be hard enough that I do not wish to have another one. Be it the discipline or punishment (not to say itís always a spanking) is only a manifestation of that connection. There is so much more intertwined in this relationship then spanking or what ever might be used. There is a spiritual dwelling that I thrive from in the fact of who and what I am. I use a number of different things to allow this to grow and thrive on my own, to become the submissive that I long to be.

Not all discipline is spanking, there are time-outs to a different part of the house alone, essays, writing lines, loss of privileges, loss of computer time, having to do some chore you really hate (like the dishes). For the most part, the things that will get me into trouble are talking back, not doing my homework or doing it without an effort put forth to get a good grade and not respecting someone that I know Master wishes me too. Just the general breaking of computer rules or going off on someone online. (Master frowned upon this one greatly.) I am allowed total freedom online and ,for the most part, the only rules we use are on mIRC as I am to have permission to enter and leave any room. Well, at times itís a pain, but I have found that if I am online when Master is away, well it makes me have to stop and think of him, as I most of the time have to explain to the room that itís Masterís rule so I do need to ask. I do not have restrictions to whom I can or not talk to, that is up to me, unless I do something wrong and I am limited those things. Master knows for the most part who I talk with and whom I e-mail, I work with a number of people online and off. Itís a part of who and what I am, as is us going to different places for a Demo. Master allows me a lot of freedom when I am behaving but I know if I act up, things can and will be taken away. So to say my leash is shortened and it does not regain itís length until I have proven that I am working on changing my behavior.

At times when I am not paying attention too well, there is this bath thing, where Master makes me take a bath and he totally washes me, I hate this. I love the attention and his being there but not him washing me and making me do it. He now has a thing about going to bed, and this has been an issue for some time. I do not sleep that much, and itís getting somewhat better, I do not argue or talk back near as much when he tells me itís time to head to bed. I still hate it so much itís not funny. It just makes me feel like I am 8 years old and being told when to go off to bed. I do understand this as at times I am lucky if I get 3 hours of sleep a night and this has been known to go on for weeks at a time. Itís his caring about me that is showing through, and I do love it.

I receive a message from my Master through discipline as well as through punishment that tells me that he loves me and cares about me and that he cares about what and who I am becoming. The reasonability is not just on my Master. I have to be honest and trustworthy and 100% accountable for my own actions at all times. I have to go to him and confront him when I have done something wrong or am having trouble. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. Itís not been an easy thing to learn, but itís the best thing I have ever learned. Most important, discipline allows me a way to make amends and ways to see that changing my behavior is important to him, and to our relationship.

When my Master is confronted with some totally unacceptable behavior, it is his job to deal with this and to take action or to make sure that itís made known that some action will be taken later when time permits it. He needs to do whatever possible to put an end to the unwanted or unacceptable behavior. At times this may seem harsh or even that it carries a double punishment. For if we are out, I know that it will be dealt with at that time in some way and that when we return home a more appropriate punishment will be handed out. For if this aspect of D/s or DD is to work, consistency within the discipline or punishment is needed and necessary. As is his keeping my respect through his being consistent. For discipline to be effective, it must happen as close to the wrong doing as possible. I think some caution needs to be used here, as to where you are and the types of people that you may be around at the time. But it works for us and I know and think in time I will learn to never test my Master when we are out and about. Itís not ever going to be a good time for such a thing. If there is no consistency and follow through to the set and agreed upon rules and guidelines his word begins to mean nothing. They become empty and will mean nothing. Then the next time it comes to breaking the rules it would be much easier for me to break them.

ďA dominant man who acknowledges his responsibility to be a leader and caring disciplinarian, does have some noteworthy similarities to a parent. A women who chooses to give herself to his leadership and discipline, however, is not a child. She has the right to ask a great deal of him. His authority is not a license to flaunt her reasonable expectations of mutual accountability. He does have a responsibility to be in charge of himself before he can ask for the immense gift of trust she might render. He needs to earn his authority if he expects it to be respected.Ē (Ted 1DD)

Itís not that my Master ever needs to prove that he has control over me, he does not. But at times I need the emotional release and attention that will allow me to grow and move onto the next step in our lives. I know at times it has been used this way when I am not in the right mindset and I need to be drawn back to the place where I should be. Itís a reminder of who and what I am and whom I have chosen to belong to. Itís all about give and take. It is a two-way street that we have invoked into this relationship. We have agreed on certain things and it is his job to see that it stays that way. My Master must set an example that cannot be challenged, which I know is far easier said then done. I will never demand perfection for I know that no one is perfect. Just now my Master has a responsibility to see that I act according to the rules and guidelines which have been set within our relationship. Discipline is an ongoing part of the relationship, it may not show like it can on my bottom, but it will show itself in the commitment to our relationship.

Discipline is love! and this holds true in all aspects of the world, not just the D/s, DD, or BDSM. The one receiving the discipline is teaching the other about responsibility and the one giving the discipline is teaching the other self-discipline. Itís a psychological play of profound love and respect. I thrive and grow from this in our relationship. Itís adding to who and what I am, itís a connection building tool that makes my world go Ďround. Masterís dominance is a gift that he has given to me. Allowing my Master a leadership role and, through discipline, I have a reminder of this role and, at times, that is just what I need. Discipline is the key to my emotional release. Itís a reset button that only my Master can set. Discipline is not just pain, but it can be. Pain is a tool that allows the discipline to work if you allow it to have itís place. Discipline has a number of places in my life. Sometimes itís a rest to bring refocus, other times it is to strengthen and show me something. Sometimes itís just to allow me to cleanup and move on to the next part of the relationship. I am also good about disciplining myself, when need be, but allowing others to help just seems to make it all work much better.

I do not find anything erotic in discipline or punishment, for the most part, I hate it. Submitting to it is a challenge all in itself. Even if itís writing lines, it can invoke an inner fight and struggle for me to accept this and to complete it. I do understand that some are true masochists and itís a powerful excitement for them. It becomes erotic play. Discipline and punishment hurt in different ways. And a spanking should hurt physically, and this pain is what brings me to the emotional link between us. It is a true sexual connection and an intimacy that allows me to change and move on. This does not mean that I have a sexual response or that it turns erotic in any way. Itís the connection that adds to our intimacy. My gift to my Master is my trust, respect, and my submissionÖ which comes from my heart and not the bedroom.

For in this all I feel loved, cared about, and safe. Itís the emotional things I need to move on and to be the person that I know and long to beÖI love the passionate part my Master plays once itís all overÖNO! we do not have sex or, at least, not right away. Time is needed to allow me to process all that has happened and taken place. We sit and I am held and cared for. We talk and it is a time of closeness and me just sucking in his tenderness and care. Itís heartfelt and it allows all of it to connect and finish off right.

Some may find that they are having erotic feelings through the course of discipline and punishment. Giving into these feelings I donít see doing any relevant good in the long term. You need to not allow these feelings to take away from the discipline or the punishment at hand. This could lead to a world of never ending discipline or punishment and also to an abusive relationship. As one is always being bad to have the thrill of being spanked, or the other doing it just because he/she enjoys it and itís a sexual turn-on. These feelings of intimacy may involve true erotic feelings in you both, but rape and quick sex can bring about the same feelings! Having short term fixes can bring about long term problems, so it is really worth it?

Just because you get a thrill out of spanking or receiving it does not mean that acting on these feelings will help either of you in any way. Be honest and open about what your feeling with each other. But do not forget your place and the task at hand. This is the issue and it needs to be completely dealt with first and foremost. Give it some time and then act on your sexual intimate acts. You started with a goal and an objective. You need to see this through and not allow your tempting feelings to change the direction of the first course of action. Focus and be open and honest with each other. Itís okay. And at times, different turn-ons will arise (no pun intended here J) but itís how we deal with them and communicate with each other that will keep things in the right order and allow them to grow for the best in the relationship.

All of this is the true motivation to our lives and it goes on with lots of communication and us renegotiating. Some times this can take a few days to get things all worked out and back on track, but it takes both of us, neither of us can do it alone. I know the more we try different things and the more Master sees what works and what does not his security level will grow. He will, in time, never truly enjoy disciplining or punishing me, and I know this, but it makes me more aware of my behavior and increases my willingness to grow, learn, and change to please him. Master is caring and I know that he will do most anything for me. I enjoy the flowers just because or when I have been good. The added little things he does to make me know that he is proud of me goes a long way.

awhitecloud ®
(Ted: as posted on 1domesticdiscipline@egroups.com )

Please feel free to contact me at awhitecloud@awhitecloud.zzn.com i will do what i can to help anyone, and i would like to know what you A/all think also. Thank you for allowing me to share with you A/all.
© 2002 awhitecloud ®