May/June 2001
Ask the Mistresse

Or "that's My Advise and I'm stickin' to it"

by Lotus Song


Advice to a "new" Domme

Someone asked me once... << I wonder how we can create positive images of ourselves? >>  I've thought about that for a while...

The first thing is .. if one has a chip on their  shoulder regarding men- get rid of it. Domination is not a  "get-even club." One does not do this by mimicking the negative traits of our male counterparts.

Check yourself first. Make yourself the best you can be. When you are content within yourself others will be content with you. No one is the blame for your success or failure but yourself.. it's not your peers' fault.. it's not your sub's fault. If you are constantly hitting roadblocks.. you need to check the path you are on.

Don't "sell yourself." If everything you do is contingent upon how much gifting you get.. you knock yourself down a notch (in my opinion). As long as a woman puts a price on her head.. she degrades herself. She can be bought. If a gift is given to you free of heart.. then it's an honor.. a true tribute. You have "arrived".

Honor each other. The golden rule applies. A woman is "superior" because of her ability to be compassionate.   Don't put that quality on the back burner because you are "domme".

I firmly believe that "those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it."  Matriarchy replacing Patriarchy would be non productive.  The power struggle would begin again ....the persecution, the fears.

"Power corrupts.. absolute power corrupts absolutely." That's another adage worth heeding.

I suggest that each woman find her own center, her own strength and the expression thereof.  It's time we display our best selves and display the best qualities of our birthright.

Express yourself as a woman, not a woman trying to be a man trying to be a woman in an expression of aggression.  Otherwise, we will continue to look like buffoons.

A woman's greatest power is her heart and mind.  (After all, we've outwitted them THIS long)

Be strong in your beliefs.  If you talk the talk you'd better be prepared to walk the walk. Speak your truth quietly and surely.  Do not do so with an intent to insult or harm.  This way you will never be in a position of contrition for your actions.  

Belligerence and arrogance are ignorance and insecurity in action. Observe carefully. Class shows.

Develop your erotic being, your logic, your intuition. Those are the qualities that make a man fall at your feet.

Just my thoughts on it all.