Time for a name change. BDSM has lost its edge. How can the BDSM lifestyle be dangerous when Omaha housewives frequent the BDSM chat rooms routinely cyber-scening Boston middle managers almost every evening? Everyone is so "into" BDSM nowadays. Nipple clamps are discussed over melons in the grocery store. Floggers are talked about with fruit juice and cookies at PTA meetings. And the reverse, I even heard of banana bread recipes discussed at the local BDSM club!!! How heinous is that?? And no, adding walnuts would not help.

I was about ready to hang up my leather vest and boots for some new symbols of outlaw anti-culture lifestyle.  But first I needed a new acronym to signify the importance of my new anti-group's group sentiments. When making acronyms it hurts to be saddled with so many consonants: B(ondage); D(iscipline); D(ominance); S(ubmission); S(adism); M(asochism). On top of all that, I have been reading about the Marquis de Sade and found out that he was a bi-switch. This does put a pallor on my calling myself a sadist anymore. So I tried looking at the core values: P(ower); C(ontrol); S(ensation). Again the consonants, at least I got rid of the sadist part. Hmmmm.....

My new group shall be called the SPCA (standing for Sensation, Power, and Control in America group). Forget that leather, tanned stuff. We will wear fur jackets, even in Arizona in the summer, because we are tough. And fur mucklucks of elk and bear. Yes, naked slaves under skins of dead animals, tied with all natural bindings, cat gut and sheep gut and such. We'll tie foxtails from the antennae on the Harley and get cat paws (with claws still attached) for scening toys. Occasionally we will sacrifice a live chicken or maybe rabbit to show our devotion.

The SPCA won't have your standard online chat rooms and egroups. You will need to have been kicked out of at least 3 other egroups before we will consider allowing you to abuse us. We'll be so exclusive I won't be able to qualify for membership. None of that Tops and bottoms, Doms and subs stuff for us, just Big Dogs and bitches. I like the sound of that.

So, if you are reading this, you are on your way to becoming a Big Dog or a bitch of the SPCA. Sniff out another member; see if the group smells right for you. No more weenie BDSM, you’re running with the wolves now.

Big Dog Doug

[PS. His girls have informed Master Doug that the name SPCA has been copyrighted by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. Therefore, he has added addendum to the article, "never mind".]