Words, some swear by them, some never use them and claim that
they are dangerous.
fall somewhere in between.
think that any person that is new and starting out, or is
playing with someone for the first time should have a safe
word. I make my slave maintain one, even though she has never
used it. I believe that safe words are one way to help protect
people, but they in and of themselves DO NOT insure safety.
Safety between play partners is left up to the people engaging
in the session.
you negotiated clearly and carefully? Have limits from both
people been established. Doms have limits too. What degree
of trust has been established? If you don't really trust the
person why are you playing with them? Was the negation done
before the "hot to trots" set in? Safe words do
not make up for lack of any of these, never have and never
will. Most public play spaces operate on the Traffic Light
system...red means STOP NOW yellow means SLOW DOWN and green
means MORE MORE. It is a communication tool as well as last
resort. A top that has never played with a bottom before cannot
be expected to read their body language in the same fashion
that people who have played together for years can. People
that have played together for years, where the top can read
the body language under "normal" play for them,
may want a safe word when they are trying something new, or
more intense than they have done before. The reactions may
not be the same as they have been in the past. This is the
category that I personally fall into.
know of and have several well-known friends that have never
used a safe word and do not ever plan to. They play hard.
They have never had anything go wrong and the people that
they play with prefer to not have a safe word. God bless em.
We agree to disagree on this point. For me personally to not
allow a safe word with someone I play with, including my slave
means that I have reached the point of being an omnipotent
god. If I reach that point I will let you know.
what scares me even more, is people who seem to believe that
because they have a safe word and have established what that
safe word is, that they are now bullet proof and completely
safe. I beg to differ and I don't beg for anything often.
So you have just met the cross between Brad Pit and Marquee
De Sade. You have known him 15 minutes, you have been in the
lifestyle long enough to know when to trust your gut. You
go home with him, or into the play space area. He straps you
to a cross. You now no longer have use of your hands and feet.
He puts a gag in your mouth. You no longer can scream. He
takes out and snaps a single tail. It hits you that you have
not established a safe signal, and worse you hate single tails,
which you did establish. Guess what? You're fucked.
scenario as above, except you're in a private place with no
one else around. You safe word, He does not respect it. *SNAP*
you safe word again *SNAP* Still feel safe? A safe word is
just like a lock, locks keep honest people honest. Safe words
keep safe people safe when they have done all the things that
they need to do and are playing with someone who they know
to be safe.
recommend safe words as a tool. Safe words are not a guarantee.
Tops, you should also be aware that you should know who you're
playing with as well. There have been more than few instances
when you think that the scene has gone very well, the bottom
said they were happy, but underneath they felt that you went
beyond their limits, even though you may not have known it,
or you fell short of giving them all that they wanted. They
then go start telling people you're a "bad top"
or that you're not "safe". Your reputation is all
that you have in this lifestyle. Do You deserve to get it
trashed when you are relying on them using a safe word to
let you know how things are going and don't?
words are a tool.
words are not a guarantee.
of you in the end is your only guarantee. Make sure you give
yourself the best guarantee that you can.
that I have your attention feel free to email me. I may or
may not respond to the emails, but I promise to read all of
Copyright Justin Medlin
© April 29. 2001
Reproduced by permission of Justin.
All rights reserved, do not reproduce in whole are part without
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