getting into the scene, it can often be somewhat intimidating
to try playing with SM, especially if neither of you have done
it before. Here's this wonderful person, who wants you to dominate
them. You tie them up, and they're helpless, wriggling with
anticipation and lust... and now what do you do?
them! There are all kinds of common objects that produce intense
and enjoyable sensations when applied to a helpless lover. Combs
for dragging across the skin, feathers for tickling a frantic
foot, clothespins (use a couple or use many in artistic rows--these
can be as intense as you want to make them!), ice cubes, chocolate
syrup, strawberries (ever see 9 1/2 Weeks?), leather belts for
slapping or spanking, hairbrushes for scuffing or beating, and
of course your own fingers, mouth, genitals, and everything
else. Enjoy taking your time with your willing victim; drive
them to distraction, then bring them to the edge of ecstasy,
then back off and make them beg for more!
you can set the mood as you wish. You can be playful, amused
at your own ineptitude even while your bottom is moaning with
desire. You can be stern and commanding, sympathetic but nasty,
jolly yet sadistic--anything you please. As long as you focus
your attention on your bottom, your bottom will have a great
time! Relax, go with the flow, and if you stop enjoying it,
call safeword--tops can use safewords too.
there's no need to feel like you need to put all your attention
into pleasing your bottom; what's a good slave for if not for
pleasing their master? I've several times played with my girlfriend
and used her for my own selfish pleasure, giving little attention
to hers--and she loved it! But there is no doubt that with pleasure
it is as good to give as to receive. Just remember, communicate,
be sensitive to what your bottom is feeling, and you'll have
thing that is quite important to remember as a top is that you
are responsible for your bottom. As you begin playing with SM,
you may well be placing your bottom in situations in which he
or she is physically helpless and/or emotionally vulnerable.
It is important that you recognize they are placing a great
deal of trust in you, and in your ability to handle any situations
that may come up. If you're in the middle of a hot scene, and
suddenly someone unexpectedly bangs on the door, you may both
be startled and shocked--but your bottom will be immediately
looking to you for protection. If something happens that you
didn't expect, take care of your bottom _first_--reassure them
that you're not going to let anything happen to them, and then
deal with the problem calmly and sensitively.
be limited by preconceptions of what you "ought" to
be doing, or worries about how you're not topping "correctly".
If you start to feel pressured or insecure, take a step back,
and ask yourself what _you_ want out of the scene. Sometimes,
when I've been bottoming for my girlfriend, she hasn't been
in the mood to play with me sexually--so she made me her slave
and commanded me to... bathe her and wash her! This was lots
of relaxed fun for both of us, and it let her unwind enough
to keep playing the way _she_ wanted to play. Be honest, not
only with your bottom, but with yourself. And if you are in
the middle of a scene, and suddenly your honesty says "I
don't want to be doing this" or "I don't know what
my partner wants, or even what I want," then by all means
stop the scene--gracefully if possible. Better that than for
the scene to drag on until both of you are sick of it.
If you still
don't have any ideas, and if your bottom is really hot to trot,
you can always start playing with your bottom and getting them
excited in whatever way you know how, and demand that they tell
you a fantasy of theirs, or you'll stop. Talking dirty to each
other--trading hot fantasies, knowing that you can make then
happen if you want to--is the best way I know of getting ideas
for scenes. This actually goes for ALL sexual play, whether
it involves SM or not!
If you want
detailed descriptions of positions, possible scenes, and so
forth, you would do well to find a copy of _SM
101_. Or, post with your questions to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm,
asking for any and all suggestions.
by Johnson Grey