March/April 2002
Trubled Times

Picture Herefor those times when you're having troubles

by Celeste aka BitaTruble

Dear Bita,

I need some advice. I've recently become involved with a man that is willing to explore his Dom-side BDSM with me. At the same time, I've discovered that I'm attracted to a good friend, a woman. She's a bisexual switch and has told me that she doesn't want to jeopardize our friendship by becoming involved either sexually or with BDSM. My new man does not have a problem with me wanting to explore bisexuality with her and in fact has encouraged me to do so. How can I get her to experiment with me?


Wants it all in MN

Dear Wants,

Your friend has already given you her answer. You have to accept it. If you are truly interested in exploring your bisexuality, then find someone else. You can't change her mind and should respect her decision.



Dear Bita,

My Dom is married, but very unhappy. He says he loves me but doesn't want to hurt his wife by leaving her. She doesn't know about his life with me. What should I do?

Sad sub in FL


Dear Sad,

You are in a classical triangle and one which rarely works out for the 'other' woman. Your Dom is more concerned about his wife than about you or even himself. That may change in time and if you are willing to wait, perhaps forever, more power to you. Personally, I don't have that much patience and I'd probably look for a new Dom. You can't make someone else happy and if he doesn't want to 'hurt' his wife today, he's probably not going to want to hurt her 'tomorrow' either.

Good luck,



Hey bita,

My new submissive is not really into pain and I'm wondering how I can get her to toughen up so I can really beat her ass?

Boss Man


Hey boss man,

Start slow and light perhaps with some doe skin floggers, continue building with some lighter leathers and then move on till you are really wailing on her with the buffalo hide. Conditioning will help a lot. The more you play, the tougher she will get. Be careful of 'leatherbutt'. That comes from repeatedly hitting the ass with a paddle or other impact tool. Don't be surprised if your new submissive bruises. Do find out how she feels about it first though.

Good luck to you,



Dear Bita,

I've been reading a lot about asphyxiation play and that it's a taboo in the BDSM culture. Is that true?

Ever Curious


Dear Curious,

It's not taboo but it's damn dangerous. You might want to consider having 911 as a speed dial on your phone if you're going to partake in that kind of play. A large number of the people that die during asphyxiation play are alone and are found with rope around their necks or a plastic bag over their heads. Recognize what oxygen deprivation does to brain cells (it kills them) and if you are willing to take the risk, have someone right by your side so they can call the morgue for you in case it goes to far.