March/April 2002

Pan Sexual...The One True Way?

by Justin Medlin

Recently there has been some discussion about the fact that some feel that all things public in the "scene" should be pansexual. As this idea has rolled around in my head, I've discovered mixed emotions rolling around elsewhere. I wonder if everyone knows what pan sexual means, or if they even care. It would seem to me that before it gets bandied about that everything should be pan sexual, perhaps everyone who may be affected should have an idea of what it means. This of course, is my definition, it's all subject to interpretation, everything in the "scene" today has become subjective.

2+2=4 is not a for sure thing anymore, its only four if its four to you and you feel it should be four. I digress. Pan sexual: The inclusion, and act of welcoming all people regardless of sexual orientation or gender. That's my definition. Now, if we accept my definition (and we will in this article since I'm writing it), what would be wrong with every club, group, play space and event being pan sexual? Would that not be what we desire in this oppressively politically correct time that we live in? Would that not be a victory for everyone in the "scene" today? My answer to that is brief.
Here it is: No.

WHAT? you scream! Are you a bigot, do you not want to include everyone?

Now we get down to it... I would love for everybody to be comfortable enough to be inclusive and welcoming to everyone else in the "scene" with no thought to their sexual orientation or gender, be it heterosexual, gay, bi, lesbian, transgendered, or purple people eater. HOWEVER, I do think that members of those communities, (or perhaps for the sake of this article, I'll call them "neighborhoods", since in this they are within the larger "COMMUNITY,") deserve to be able to keep separate spaces as well.

Many members of all the above listed groups are still uncomfortable, or simply enjoy being around and with those of the same "kind" sometimes. Should we fight to ban all male, all female and all purple people eater spaces?

This brings us to a brief note about pan sexuality and where it came from. From what I have deciphered, (others tell a different story, I'm sure somewhere in the middle lies what actually happened,) pan sexuality came from heterosexuals who were looking for new (read bi) sexual partners. You know, someone new to fuck, fornicate, slip the willey to. If it brought them more women to serve this purpose, they were happy to proclaim themselves as being welcoming and inclusive of gays and lesbians. Funny thing though, the gays and lesbians (not bi) did not seem to get the welcoming vibe. They were still snubbed, ignored and treated as 31st class citizens, frequently enduring "takeovers", finding that they felt like outsiders in the places they had frequented for years. Here is the real shocker, this continues to this day. Pan sexuality is a great idea in theory, but should it be the only idea? I think not. Wait, let me rephrase, fuck no.

I believe that the gay Leather Men, lesbian Leather Women, and yes, even heterosexual Leather Folk, should be allowed to have their own "space" where they can enjoy each others company without having to wonder if they will be welcome or not based on their sexuality. I am also a huge supporter of pan sexual spaces, groups and clubs.

I may not have mentioned this before, it may have just slipped through the cracks, but I am a heterosexual male who owns a female slave. I am also proudly in service to a gay Leather Man. Do that math and see if 2 +2= 4, you will find that some square roots, and maybe even pi will be necessary to do that equation. I have many friends and Leather family members who are gays and lesbians and I love them all.
I also think that they are entitled to their space. I don't see that as being discrimination, I see it as fair. Also, bear in mind that discrimination and discriminating can mean totally different things. Discriminating, according to Webster can mean discerning, which means 'to come to know or recognize mentally" which in simpler terms can be defined simply as wanting to hang out with who you choose to, not what a politically correct community dictates.

Should we only offer the choice of being pan sexual or being private? Do we shove all those who have shared their experiences and their knowledge with the community into a private closet? That is discrimination, look it up yourself. It would also be a shame. But it has already happened to a degree, and the community at large has suffered because of it. Unfortunately, most people have no idea how much... Tell me, how is it not discrimination, for a gay male or lesbian woman who is entering the "scene" and who is most comfortable with other gays or lesbians, to be forced into a pack with everyone, and not given the choice? Should we force people to be where they will be very uncomfortable? Do we take a sink or swim attitude?

I think that for the genuine spirit of pan sexuality to take hold across the board (and I hope that it does) we must first be able to make people coming in feel welcome, allow them to get their feet wet and hopefully progress to the point that they see for themselves what EVERYONE else has to offer, regardless of their sexual orientation. Pan sexuality means that we accept, not that we force. It means that we can, not that we have to. The advertising slogan for Motel 6 best defines pan sexuality for me :"We'll leave the light on for you".

Now that I have your attention feel free to email me. I may or may not respond to the emails, but I promise to read all of them.

Copyright Justin Medlin © Nov. 2001 - Reproduced by permission of Justin.
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