My name is Mika, because
that is what Master has chosen for it to be. He has directed me
to give my perspective of the events that led to our meeting.
I stumbled on BDSM chat
quite by accident. I often frequented the ‘vanilla’ chat sites
in Yahoo, and one day I began chatting with this man. One question
and answer led to another and so on and so one until we got to the subject
of bondage. It was then that he led me to Bondage a Go-Go on Yahoo.
As my mentor he gave me a name and took me to the rooms. I discovered
he was something called Gorean. Something that seemed to terrify
the other submissives in the room but intrigued me. Totally fascinated
and being of a curious nature I started looking into what Gorean was.
I began to understand some of the philosophies but needed to know even
more. I found a chat site called Pow Wow. It had lots and
lots of Goreans who chatted there and quite a few “taverns” to explore.
A person I trusted was on a council of one of the rooms and promised
that I could and would learn the Gorean way there if I would accept
a tavern collar. The administrator of that tavern came in and
placed a tavern collar on my neck. And a virtual kef brand was
placed on my left thigh. Viola instant VT (virtual time) kajira.
Well not exactly. My training was taken over by the Master of
the pens and day by day I was required to learn more and more. It was
here that I learned Gor was actually a planet, society, philosophy made
up and written about by a man named John Norman. I endeavored
to find each of the twenty-five books he wrote. It was almost
like finding needles in haystacks but I finally found my first book
“Captive of Gor.” I read the entire novel in two days. I
cried and laughed and finally felt “home”. Each day I was
drilled in the positions. I learned the VT serves, the foods and
drinks of Gor and even how to VT dance. I will always be grateful
to the strict, harsh Master who led me through my training. He
taught me the heart and belly of a kajira lay within me, I just had
to let her out into the light.
Days, weeks, months went
by and each day I learned more and more. I had begun speaking with a
certain Master more and more and more. I discovered to my amazement
that he made me feel things that none of the other Masters could.
I literally trembled in his presence. My fingers would shake,
as I would try to type out a serve or a response to his questions.
Things happened and I
was taken to another tavern on Pow Wow called the Silver Sirik. There
I begged the collar of the Master who I had become very fond of during
my training. He collared me, renamed me and kept me close to him.
I strove everyday to be his pride. I learned each day a new way
to please and entice the Master who saw me worthy of his collar.
Soon, I fell in love with him. I strove even harder to please
him. Each day I would have his VT wine chilled and ready for him,
his furs combed and cleaned, and his kajira anxiously awaiting his arrival.
We began discussing a meeting for the many Goreans we had come to know.
All agreed to meet in July in Denver. I was thrilled. I
was going to finally meet my Master. Finally meet the man I loved
and would submit to face to face finally! I could hardly wait.
I got a message on my
yahoo messenger service one day saying a man I had never met, knew nothing
about wanted to add me to his list. Again being the curious sort,
I accepted. A couple of days later I received a message from this
man. I was thrilled to learn that he was Gorean. Had been
Gorean for a long time and had ACTUALLY read the books! It was
wonderful chatting with him. Discussing the books, the authors
style, the weather, the lack of face to face Gorean meets. But
the scary part was, he was only a couple of hours away. We talked
about my VT relationship with my Master. And how the VT relationship
crossed over into my RT (real time) life. My VT Master owned me
as much RT as he did VT. He knew I loved him deeply. I was devoted
and loyal to my collar.
Months and months went
by. It was growing closer to time to meet. I was so anxious.
Suddenly he started showing up less. Staying a shorter amount
of time. He absences were days sometimes weeks on end. I
messaged him on ICQ, I wrote emails. I became very confused. I
could not figure out what I had done to stop being a joy to him.
I started striving even harder to be found pleasing by him once again.
I would wait and wait and wait for him to appear.
By this time, I had become
close to the Master I chatted with every day on ICQ and asked him what
I could be doing wrong. He told me “sounds like he is married.”
I laughed and said noooooooooo way he is single, I have talked with
him on the phone and everything.” I put aside his words and continued
to wait for the Master who owned me.
In March, I got a phone
call. I would have to be in Denver for family member's wedding.
I nearly jumped out of my seat. I would be close enough to my
VT Master to meet him face to face before the July meeting. I
called him to make plans and flew to Denver without ever hearing from
him. I discovered during this trip that my Master had deceived me, lied
to me and led me on for quite a bit of time. He had gotten married
after he collared me, and was expecting a child. My whole world
came crashing down. I could not believe he would deceive me in
such a manner. I was devastated. I wanted the whole world
to just stop and let me off.
I continued to talk with
the Master on ICQ. I told him that he had been right and I was
a fool. I pulled away from everyone for a time. I had to
let reality sink in. I stayed in the tavern and served, waiting
for my Master to show up. Time became my enemy. He seldom
came to the tavern. Days, sometimes a week would go by before
he showed. Though I belonged to him, I was wilting, dying, losing
the ‘slave belly’. The fire was dying.
Master Michael and I
continued to talk via ICQ. He saw me fading. Saw my burn
begin to fade. He was so understanding that I was hurting.
He said he did not want to see a kajira flame extinguished. I remember
that during this time I received a file from the Master on ICQ, I accepted
it and opened it to find a picture of a skeleton key. It was around
this time that we began to discuss the ending of “Captive of Gor”.
And how girls who stroll the high walls that encircle a city often are
snatched up by low a flying Tarnsman.
Eventually we began discussing
meeting face to face. I kind of scoffed. Thinking yeah right!
He pushed and finally I gave in. I had never had a D/s experience
RT and was scared to death. I did everything in my power to convince
him he did not want to meet with me. I sent a few pictures of
myself making sure he knew what he was in for. I tried hard to
convince him he did not want to meet with this girl. Not me.
The date was set and
we were to meet in a park, with one of my children present. (My safety
net so to speak.) One thing after another happened and things
got postponed and delayed and finally we set another date. One
month after the initial meeting was supposed to happen. By this
time we had become more comfortable with each other, more familiar and
there was a different level of trust between us. I asked him if
we could just meet at my house.
I called my girlfriend
of 15 years and told her I was going to meet with a Master. She
had been in the lifestyle for several years and was concerned for my
safety. She and I talked of many ‘signs’ that things aren’t right. After
the follow your gut, listen to that little voice talk, she agreed to
be my safe call. She was to call me at a specified time and I
was to say a particular phrase that I would never ever say to her during
a normal conversation. If I failed to make that statement she
would lead me into it to remind me in case I was really ok and just
kind of floating at the time. If I did not answer the phone, or
did not say our agreed upon phrase she would call the police for a well-being
check. And get in her car and drive to the house. She had
all the information she needed to get into my computer (passwords, location
of files etc.) which had Master Michael’s picture, phone number, place
of employment (I knew both of these were correct as I had called him
several times prior to agreeing to meet) and anything that might identify
him should there be any trouble.
June 15, 1999 arrived
and I was a shaking mess. I was putting my life in the hands of
someone I had never met. I was about to meet a Gorean Master.
I was about to meet the man I had been chatting on line with and talking
on the phone with for so many months. I was about to experience
D/s first hand, RT for the first time in my life. I had already
failed one Gorean Master, what made me think I could please this one?
All I could do was be myself and hope that was enough.