March/April 2001
by kharma{DeS}

Consistency is not a word I have heard often mentioned in the D/s communities, and that is a true oddity in my mind. In searching through my heart and soul, I have found consistency to be an essential part of much of what is taught about a successful D/s or BDSM relationship. It is a foundation to much of what we hold to be the building blocks of a good relationship.

We hear alot about trust. communication, loyalty, honesty, and others.. so how does consistency apply to these? One need only look at the situation that must exist for these to function properly, to see its major impact.


What purpose does communication serve, unless their is a consistent pattern to be learned from it? A submissive may ask her Master about something which is crucial to her learning what pleases him. If the answer changes on a daily basis.. learning anything becomes very difficult. Inconsistency breeds confusion.


If answers to the same questions changes, a persons honesty becomes an issue in the mind of the person asking. If your submissive is told one thing, and bases her action upon it, only to find out that what she did was wrong, based on a different answer to the question which comes later, who is to blame? The submissive will often blame herself.. feeling that she misunderstood. She may tear her own head apart, looking for the answer to how she failed, changing things based on what she feels was her own failure. Those changes could easily harm the relationship.. the Dominant may not realize why those changes are taking place. Other submissives may blame their Dominant, for being untruthful in their response. Either way, someone is hurt.


How can you trust someone, who is incapable of telling you their true feelings? Inconsistency in a persons feelings, makes it very difficult for you to trust that you will not get hurt by this person. Inconsistency in discipline or teachings, makes it impossible.


Inconsistent loyalty, is no loyalty at all.

While I have written this from the submissives point of view, these same concepts apply equally to the Dominants feelings for the submissive. An inconsistent submissive, who cannot communicate her needs and feelings to her Dominant in a consistent manner, whose actions towards her Dominant are inconsistent, may find these other areas are damaged as well.

I am not saying that our moods and feelings shouldn’t change, but radical swings, and contradictory answers should be explained. Otherwise, you could leave your submissive, or Dominant, confused and angry.