the local scene over the past several years, it felt like a
lot of Dominant's wanted you to earn their dominance, earn their
collar, earn *their* trust. Contrary to what I've heard of other
places, Minneapolis/St. Paul has a plethora of female submissives
and decent male Dominants are few and far between.
the type of person that struggles with esteem issues and intense
desire to please, this set me up for failure and a lot of bad
feelings. I'd work and serve and submit, then wonder what a
horrible person, what a horrible submissive that I must be to
not be able to "earn" any of what I craved so much.
how it had its reflections in my childhood, when nothing I ever
did was "good enough." Ever. Four A's and a B? Why'd
I get the B? I made second chair in clarinet? Why not first?
I must not be practicing enough. I cleaned my room without being
told? Well, the bathroom is still a mess. You get the idea.
never asked or told me to call him Master. One day it just naturally
came to my lips.
and submission naturally flows from our relationship. It's never
a play-act or contrived thing. He looks at me or speaks to me
in a certain way and my shoulders relax, my breathing slows,
my gaze lowers - all very naturally. I perform an act of loving
service or show my submission to him in other ways and his eyes
get very intense, his hands move roughly over me, his voice
lowers - becoming both more growl-like and firm.
feed on each other until we are lost in that wonderful dance
- like eagles that mate on the wing, spiraling high.
never had to "earn" his Dominance. Ever.
he claimed me, before I called him Master, he believed that
I was a wonderful person. He didn't give a rat's ass what I
thought of myself. *HE* knew I was wonderful and good and thoughtful
and bright and all sorts of other fantastic things. Not only
does he believe these things - he's getting me to believe them
matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in his eyes,
and because of that I hold my head high...for who can tell me
that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me?"
Master isn't what I expected. There's an exceptional article
in the previous Dom-sub Lifestyle journal on "Dominating
vs. Domineering" by Chrystal. It seems I was looking at
the "wrong" type of Dominant for me. My attention
would go to the ones that were the center of attention. A bit
loud, demanding, aggressive. Even the ones that claimed to be
the "soft-spoken" type, they would enter a room and
be the center of attention with little submissive birds hovering
and chirping about waiting for a crumb.
the type that because there was such a competition for them
- I couldn't sing perfectly enough, my flight not smooth enough.
did I know that I would find my Master in the quiet one sitting
along the wall. Not because he was too shy or unsure to join
in the mayhem. But because he simply found no need.
is composed and unperturbed yet quietly and keenly alert."
BOY is he "keenly alert."
the first time we met - he spent a long weekend with my husband
and myself - we were speaking on the phone about "signals."
He told me he had no need for me to tell him my "signals"
- he already knew them. He proceeded to rattle off a dozen "tell-tales"
of mine - much to my surprise... and pleasure.
both have a "special signal" when we are both deep
into what it is that we do, though neither of us notice it ourselves.
He tells me my eyes get a very very deep blue. When he is deep
into dominance, his legs "get involved" - whether
it's to twine around my legs or to wrap around my neck or shoulders.
Heh, just got lost in a little daydream about him holding me
down by my hair with foot or knee.*cough* Anyway...)
time he was here, we were in the middle of a rather lovely erotic
beating when the crop smacked across the bottom of first one
foot, then the other. Now, I know this isn't something that
many people like - but this sent me orbital. I was past sub-space,
past white space - I have no idea where I was, but damn it felt
good. When I was about to figure out how to talk again, we spoke
of it. It seems he had remembered me mentioning in passing that
I liked the bottom of my feet struck - about SIX months prior.
"helps his submissive to grow." I'm not sure why so
many people freaked out over that phrase. He *does* help me
grow. Physically, he helps grow in health. Mentally, he helps
me define goals and steps to get to those goals. Emotionally,
because of him, I have become softer, more accepting, surrendering
not only to him, but to the vagaries of life. My self-esteem
has grown by leaps and bounds.
not some door-mat or "loser" that needed to be "fixed."
Rather, part of the pleasure of being my Master for him, is
being my "coach." And I freely admit to *not* being
self-motivated. I am "other-motivated." As he once
put it, 'You'd feel free to break a promise to yourself, but
you'd do everything you can to keep a promise to another person,
even if it hurts you to do so."
talk about my goals, what steps I'd like to take, what I feel
comfortable doing, what makes me nervous. After all that's that,
then it's no longer "we." From that point, I surrender,
I submit. And he takes control with a fine and firm hand. He
tells me what to do, I obey. He pushes my limits - gently, but
under this hand, I blossom and grow. Ain't it grand?
another great article in the Dom-sub Lifestyle previous journal
called, "The Submissive Slave" by dark whisper.
what I am - a "submissive slave." I am owned. Utterly
and totally. No, we don't live together. Yes, I'm married. Yes,
my husband knows. No, we don't even live in the same state.
can I claim to be owned then?
Master says so, that's why.
beyond that, there are other reasons. I don't know if I can
even verbalize them. I just *know*. He just "knows."
When he hisses in my ear, "Mine!" every fiber in my
being replies 'Yes!' He has my complete and utter emotional
surrender. Oh, once in a rare while I have some resistance.
I am human after all. But it tends to be tissue paper thin.
He rarely has to punish me. First, he doesn't punish for mistakes,
just disobedience. Add that to my strong desire to please, and
I rarely disobey.
undercurrent of my day is, "Would Master find this pleasing?
What would Master think of this? What can I do to bring some
pleasure to my Master? Does this fit into the goals Master has
of Master's absolute favorite things is orgasm control. (Okay,
it's his favorite thing.) I will come when he tells me to, how
many times he tells me to, where he tells me too and how he
tells me too. Being able to come on command and being multi-orgasmic
sometimes makes this a rather sadistic pleasure of his. Sometimes
he doesn't even need to verbally give the command, but rather
he locks eyes with me. Staring at me. I imagine I have the doe
in the headlights look - wide-eyed and still. Then he gives
me an almost imperceptible nod. And there I go...
are times when mentally I am just NOT in the mood to come several
times then five minutes later come many more times then five
minutes later come just a couple times more. Yet... yet...My
body gives me no choice. He gives the command, my body responds.
I rather feel like Pavlov's dog, with a puddle of moisture on
my chair rather than a chin full of drool. Even just writing
about it, I find myself getting aroused. That helplessness to
obey. It thrills and scares me.
know each other a year. He's been my Master for five months.
I trust him. Totally. Completely. I believe he wants only the
best for me. I believe that he would never purposefully hurt
or betray me. Perhaps I shouldn't trust him so much. I've learned
over the years that people tend to not be trustworthy - rightly
I do. He is Master. I surrender to him, all that I am. And I
feel totally safe doing so.
he told me to jump off a cliff, physically or emotionally, I
would do so. Oh, there would be a moment of hesitation where
I would look into his face and we would speak without a word...
you sure this is what you want me to do, Master?" "Yes,
my nora." "I'm frightened, Master." "I know.
Trust me." "Yes, Master."
I would turn and step off that cliff *knowing* that either there
is a net to catch me below or he will take my hand as I make
that final step and we will fly...