January/February 2002
Ask the Mistresse

Or "that's My Advice and I'm stickin' to it"

by Lotus Song

What is a Domme? (In my humble opinion)

She is the nurturing element of BDSM. She is the balance. She will not bullshit you. She will bring out your best and jam your fears in your face.

She is NOT a male in a female body. Do not expect her to be. She is a woman who will not surrender her birthright, her femininity or her soul.

She IS a teacher and a guide. She'll yell at you like a drill instructor to get to your core. She'll interrogate you so you can get to your truth. She will strip you naked and have you see yourself as you really are.

This scares people. Those that take feminine domination as simply a role or a job are missing a golden opportunity to experience a woman as she was meant to be.

Let her take control. Let her share with you her knowledge of the body and of the soul. She is not a flogger with feet. She is not a $200 an hour e-ticket ride to your wallet. She has taken the time to study another person other than herself.

So why is she so misunderstood? Fear. Women have had to live under invisible veils and this is one female that refuses. When you see a woman actually BEING a woman, not in a mother, wife, or sister role, it's scary. She dares to show you just what she is capable of. You see the feminine strength without pretense.

Women birth, raise, guide, educate and doctor each generation. To trivialize this contribution is criminal.

Basically I see all women as dominant. Before you disagree, think. How many times have you heard submissive females say "Nothing is done to me without my consent"? I choose who I give my submission to"? Some even say that a dominant isn't a dominant until SHE says you are. Damn "uppity females"!

A word about "Bitch" Dommes:

I contend that Bitch Dommes are MADE and not born.

They are created in fantasy novels, such as the jaguar women of "Gor" and other dime novels by people who read them and try to manufacture them into reality.

Those with no sense of self to begin with will don the mantle if it gets them the attention they desire.

Males frequently use it as a control tool. As in "See my little subbie dear? You don't want to be one of THOSE!"

A Domme is in control of herself. The wise Domme simply knows her own strength with no need to prove it to anyone.

New Dommes (those exploring or trying to find their own identity) are bombarded with the "If you are a REAL domme you will dress and act like this or that" by unenlightened submissive males. Speaking from personal experience. The very first submissive male who solicited me to be his domme followed with.. "I can TEACH you to be a REAL BITCH GODDESS!" I thanked him kindly and told him to seek elsewhere. A Lady would do that.

If you ever pat yourself on the back and say you have "put her in her place", just know it's because she has allowed it. "You only have her right where SHE wants you".